Hysteria

Yesterday, Ryan, Jack and I were eating dinner. Sonia went outside to play with our neighbors. A few minutes later, Ryan asked where she was and I said she was at the neighbors. Then I ran up there to check on her. The neighbors weren't home. Then I started calling her name. I went to the home of two other neighbors with kids and neither had seen her.

Then my brain made the following connection: If Sonia is not on this block, then someone has taken her. And I became hysterical. I started screaming her name. I was crying. All of the neighbors who knew me came out of their homes and started helping me look for her. I insisted someone call the police. When I was talking to the dispatcher, I was so panicked I could not remember what Sonia had been wearing.

Then, someone had the sense to check the home of a neighbor who is not on the block but lives across the street. As I stood on the corner sobbing, a police car drove up and Sonia walked out onto the corner. She had simply gone somewhere she doesn't usually go without telling me. Because my mind had made the leap into panic that thought had not occurred to me.

My neighbors were kind. I was embarrassed.

There is a saying: if you hear hoof beats, think horses not zebras.  While running around my block, I thought about all the people who've lectured me because I allow my kids the freedom to walk around on their own. I thought about the news stories that would say I am a bad parent because I don't keep them in my view all the time.

I believe giving my kids freedom is important for their development. My hope is next time I will think about horses.

Crabbing and crabs

We visited the grandparents this weekend on the beautiful Olympic peninsula. We had great weather and lots of fun activities but both of the kids were crabby complainers all weekend.  It was annoying. In my more generous moments, I know that this is just life with kids. They can be moody or tired or whatever and that misery is foisted on the rest of us. In less generous moments, I want to run away.

They seem happy on the boat while crabbing.

Heard in my house

Jack does not like going to church. He doesn't like to do anything if he doesn't want to do so he digs in. He eventually comes with me but not before he spews invective -- all the swear words he knows + the worst things he can think to say.

Me: Jack,  we are going to church now.

Jack: I hate church.

Me: Ok, but you still have to go. It's important to spend time in silence with nothing to do but be with God.

Jack: I hate God. Jesus got what he deserved.

Cue the record player needle scratching across the record as my grandmother turns over in her grave or, at least, feels sorry for me.

Sonia recently began speaking Chinese.  She told Jack that she was speaking Chinese and he was impressed.

Jack: Where did you learn that?

Sonia: Well, it's not exactly Chinese. It's fairy Chinese. It's the Chinese the fairies speak. So if you want to go to a restaurant you say 'ma sha ka da ma'

Jack: Oh restaurant is ka da ma?

Sonia: Yes.

Seabrook sucked

Apologies for my bad word.

It did though.

Seabrook is this great little beach town created all at once .. like the way Venus sprung out of Zeus' head a fully formed adult. It was created for families -- bike paths, a small retail street, a central park with lots of space for games, fire pits, and a beautiful beach.

Unfortunately, we visited on a rainy, crappy Washington coast weekend. It was beautiful in Seattle though. We visited the indoor pool, braved the cold beach, played Life, Uno, Settlers of Cataan, and introduced the kids to The Simpsons. We made the best of it but we probably won't return.

Happy 4th!

My independent kids really enjoyed Independence Day. Every year, we visit the Bainbridge Island festival and parade. We play mini golf, eat ice cream, and watch the parade. I find parades really boring and have never been sure why they are popular.. but I digress. We met our family friends, the Armstrongs, and visited the mom's parents' home -- a beautiful mid-century place they purchased 30 years ago that sits right on the water.  We played more games, drank beer and enjoyed conversation while the kids ran around. Americana at its best. We headed home on the ferry as fireworks exploded across the city. Since it was so warm we could watch the spectacle from the ferry deck and the breeze was warm ( a first ).  We arrived home at 11pm and the kids were crazy with exhaustion.

WooHoo Summer

Sonia graduates from pre-school. I will be amazed if any year of Sonia's education will top this one. It's all downhill from here.

Last day at Jack's school with our pal Sofia. 

While I promised myself I would make notes about what we do each day, I haven't done that. This was Day 2. We spent the day at Madison Park Beach with our pals. Their dad is one of my favorite parents. He says things like - maybe Jack doesn't talk to anyone at school because he doesn't like anyone. I don't want to talk to 98% of these people. It's comforting.

Day 3: My high school friend and I hike 12.8 miles through Wallace Falls State Park. She is child-free so she has energy for these things. We have known each other 28 years. Sat together in freshman English with Mr. Nelson.

at that State Park. Great day to hike.

Day 4: West Seattle. I take lots of pictures of kids in the shade. We rode bikes to the Colman Pool and had a picnic while waiting for the pool to open.

Visited Marination for shaved ice.

children are un-impressed by amazing views and perfect weather. 

Sonia in disguise.

Playing Life. Lots of fun to finally find a game we can all play. Sonia is very competitive and wants to cheat. So far, we catch her each time.

Yesterday -- We visit Madison Park beach and are foiled by the lifeguard when Jack tries to swim to the dock to visit the high dive. Then we swing.

While searching for pictures for today's post, I found this. Sonia was around 2. 

In addition to beaches and pools and sun, we've had a great time making ice cream. We made traditional ice cream (vanilla and chocolate chip) with our ice cream maker. Then my friend Katie told us about a wonderful treat: frozen bananas and any other frozen fruit that sounds good + almond milk mixed in a food processor. I add a few chocolate chips and the taste of this concoction rivals ice cream of the fat and sugar variety. It's so good we make it every night now. Lots of fun.

My work here is done

Last night I heard this:

Sonia: Mom, can we have dessert?

Jack: Sonia! No, we had two treats today. We can't have dessert.

This is the first time in 8.5 years I have felt like my parenting had some positive effect.

Co-parenting with JK Rowling

Around 2 years ago we started listening to the Harry Potter series. We have now listened to books 1-6 together. We have heard each book AT LEAST 3 times. We all love these books. I've decided that next to Anna Karenina, JK Rowling's creation is my second favorite in all of story-telling. One of the reasons I love the series so much is that it helps me explain difficult things to my kids. Here are a few examples:

1. The kids started talking about what they'd learned about Martin Luther King in school. I talked about the parallel between Dumbledore's battle and the battle for civil rights. I even addressed the idea of benign evil using Cornelius Fudge, the minister who desperately wants to deny the truth so he spends a lot of energy hiding it.

2. They were very sad when Sirius Black was killed. They understood that it left Harry more alone in the world and wondered why Sirius died. I explained that some people feel so strongly about fighting for a cause that they are willing to die for it. My dad felt this way. They see the greater good as more important than their own lives. Many great leaders die for their cause as do many warriors.

3.  They had lots of questions about why Prof Lockhart was such a douche. They didn't use that word although Jack has picked up the swear word 'damn' from Arthur Weasley. We had long discussions about how he is self-centered, acts only when it benefits him and doesn't mind harming others in the process. They get that Lockhart is not inspiring.

4. In The Prisoner of Azkaban, Prof. Lupin teaches the students how to fight a bogart. A bogart takes the shape of your greatest fear. You must shout 'ridiculous!' and focus on transforming your fear into something that makes you laugh. Bogarts are far less frightening in groups because they can't find a definitive form amidst many people. Also, we learn that the way to deal with the after-effect of a soul-draining Dementor is to eat chocolate.

5. The most repulsive characters in Harry Potter - the Dursleys, the deatheaters and Voldemort - are those who hate. The only time Dumbledore yells at Harry is in the 6th book when he explains that love is why Harry will win and has already won. He tells him that love will be Voldemort's downfall because he doesn't understand its power. As the book has progressed we talk more about the power of love and compassion and the way it helps Harry through his journey. For example, the house elves save Harry's life and sacrifice their own simply because Harry has been kind to them.

Jack, especially, seems uninterested in talking about the real world so in discussing the plot of Harry Potter I feel like I get to talk to him about the real world through that magical one. This will likely continue for years and I am so grateful to JK Rowling for opening this door for us.

We were very excited to find a horcrux yesterday. The kids touched it to see what happened. 

Not knowing

This week, I decided I would stop nagging Jack about brushing his teeth. I tell him if he doesn't brush his teeth, he doesn't get points. He gets a lot of points for brushing his teeth. Without these points, he doesn't get much screen time that day. Knowing this, it seems Jack is having an internal battle. In the morning when it's time to go to school, he has not brushed his teeth. He then proceeds to become enraged. It's quite a scene. I've decided to stop punishing, yelling and in general, reacting, to these scenes. It is his choice. Usually, after school, he will brush his teeth.

What am I doing? 

Jack needs to brush his teeth. I am not going to restrain him to do it. He needs to be motivated yet the choice I have given him causes a great deal of rage. At this point, it seems I have to accept the rage. It's trying.

On a side note, when Jack does finally brush his teeth, he hums. Every. single. time.

Happy Mother's Day

I decided I'd like to visit the Olympic National Park for Mother's day. We drove to my mom's then, Saturday morning, up to Port Angeles and the park. It was a warm, beautiful day. We hiked to a waterfall and played in the nearly-freezing water along the trail.  Then we walked on to Lake Crescent where we lounged by the lake. We ate lunch in front of the water and mountains and hung out in adirondack chairs.  We drove on to Sol duc hot springs (disappointing.. imagine a poorly-maintained public pool with too many people. I was also reminded of something a friend said about Great Wolf lodge "it's lucky that diabetes is not contagious).  We headed back to Port Angeles for dinner. The kids did great and we were all really tired.

It seems no vacation is complete unless Jack vomits so sure enough, at 1030pm, he woke up and with no warning threw up everything he had eaten. I cleaned it all.  No one else realized what happened. He seems fine this morning.

Happy mother's day.

Operation Fat Jack

It's been a week since Jack has been on the mend. He still has a bit of a cough and his energy is fairly low. He has been going to school only a few hours a day. His teachers have reported he seems pretty out of it so he didn't go at all today. We don't do much.

Last Friday, he weighed 44 pounds. Three weeks ago, he weighed 50 pounds. It took a few days for his appetite to return so while he is home, he eats whatever he wants. There are a lot of hot dogs, french fries and mayonnaise in his life. He ate gnocchi for breakfast yesterday. I am fan of anything to which I can add additional fat.

I have never had fat kids but there are definitely advantages to that. Seeing your child waste away is a bad experience.  

Jack's 3rd ER visit*

I took Jack to our doctor yesterday. He and Sonia now weigh nearly the same. He had broken out in a rash all over his legs. His cough was worse. The doctor changed the antibiotic for his ear infection. She gave us an inhaler so the cough would hopefully calm down. She said he might have pneumonia but suggested we try these things then move on to a chest x-ray in a few days. She also said Jack should not lose any more weight.

When we returned home, I fed Jack tiny amounts of food hoping they would not be thrown up but they were almost immediately.  At this point, I felt despair. How can he heal when he cannot eat? I called our doctor and we agreed I would take Jack to the ER in the morning for a thorough examination.

I did that. He had a chest x-ray. He has pneumonia. He had blood taken and he may also have mono ( a virus with no treatment). The mono would explain the rash on his body as he had never had a reaction to antibiotics before. In any case, we received treatment for which I am so eternally grateful. Jack's mood was ok although as we walked into the emergency room, he asked me if he was going to die. He had been asking more frequently when he'd be able to eat again. Last night, after I spoke to the doctor, I told Jack she told me that he needs water and a hug. I gave him the water and he said "Don't forget about the hug."

This period of illness has been the worst I have experienced yet with my kids. It's been heartbreaking and unnerving.

Jack just ate a hamburger. He has held it down. It is the happiest day of my life.

Jack received 2 Incredible Hulk stickers for being so amazingly calm during the blood draw (which took about 10 minutes). He gave me one of them. I felt it was appropriate that I also received an award.


* I wrote this post on Thursday but didn't publish it until today

Charlie Bucket

Jack looks like he eats cabbage soup three meals a day. He is so incredibly skinny. He has been vomiting for 6 days. It seems tolerable to him but it is horrifying for me. I have also stopped eating but the results are less dramatic. When Jack is sick like this, it is very difficult for me to focus on anything else. How is my business, you ask? Who cares? Let me tell you how Jack is doing. Actually, scratch that. I don't want to talk about it.  I am waking up at night and using all of my will and skills to not think about it.

I took him to a doctor yesterday who said he had an ear infection. He said that would explain the lingering cough and fever. He threw up the antibiotics yesterday but kept them down this morning so hopefully after a couple of days of that he will be on the mend.

Until then, ugh.

105

We are in Arizona and Jack hasn't been feeling well since Monday. He said "his batteries were running low." I thought maybe he was dealing with allergies. He didn't seem to have a fever and he had developed a cough. Then yesterday he threw up. I finally took his temperature and it was 105. I took it 4 times.  Having a sick child when you aren't at home is the worst. Although you think I'd be used to it because it has happened so many times.

After a call to our doctor, I have him a load of ibuprofen. The fever went down. This morning, he can't keep the medicine down so the fever is on it's way back up. I am hoping to visit a local pediatrician this morning. More than anything, I want us to be able to get on our plane this afternoon and go home. Ugh.

Coming home

I've been home for two weeks although I happen to be in Arizona right now so by home, I mean with my kids.  Some people asked me if it was hard to transition to my old life but it wasn't. I was ready to be home. One can be a tourist only so long.

Sonia mentioned to me several times that she hoped I would not go away that long again without her. When I mentioned that her preschool teachers reported that she seemed happy while I was away, she replied, "Yes but they couldn't see my broken heart."

The waiting is the hardest part

I went to the airport this morning to catch my flight to Seattle. Unfortunately, I learned that today's flight was full and so was Sunday's. Monday's flight is also nearly full. I learned that the weeks around Easter are big vacation times in Europe and everyone is flying out. There is nothing I can do but wait for an open seat. I am trying again on Monday but I am not hopeful. I have scheduled child-care and Ryan is gearing up for a few more days as a single dad.

I am really disappointed. I am done sight-seeing and ready to go home. I miss the kids and Ryan and my life in Seattle. I'll make the best of it though. I am at Kate's and can stay here until I can get on a flight. Sigh.

Last night, I went to the Tate Modern. Loved it.

St Paul's cathedral at sunset

poem on the wall of the Tate. Working to keep my vision in the moment.

Our last day in Flo

We woke up early! We had lots to do. Our apartment was next door to the Medici Chapel which opened at 815. The most important people from the Medici family are buried there. The chapel was designed and created by Michelangelo. He was like a second son to the patriarch Cosimo so they entrusted him to create their eternal resting place. It's over the top. The chapel is dark marble (and many other precious stones). The themes are more classical Greek than biblical. The chapel is definitely an homage to power not an homage to God. From there, we went across the river to the Pitti Palace and Boboli gardens. Like many places, I can't remember visiting.. but I might have. It's an enormous palace a la Versailles again owned by the Medici. The Boboli gardens were not so much gardens as a landscaped park. There was a great view of the city although you can't really see it because it started to rain while we there.

As we wandered around, I realized I could not take in much more Renaissance art. The garden had very little so it was a good break. We returned to our neighborhood to our favorite Italian place. It was from a movie really. We ate there three days out of six. It's family-owned, great food, and everyone knew us. The woman who bussed the tables spoke Spanish so it was fun to feel proficient in a foreign language again.

We were tired but we pressed on. We headed to Dante's house (meh but Dante's work basically narrates all of the art in the city) and then the Bargello. I remember the Bargello well. I must have gone many times. In the 13th and 14th centuries, it was the Town Hall. It has a della Robbia room which I loved and also Donatello's David which I was always underwhelmed by because Michelangelo's is so much more striking. However, reading the description, Donatello's was the first nude to be sculpted since the Greeks were doing it. At the time, the statue blew everyone's mind and started the Renaissance.

And that was it for museums. Phew. I couldn't take in anymore. We rested at home then went out to the very hip (and close) Central Market.  It's an old open market space where they turned the 3rd floor into a hipster food court. 

We woke up early because we needed to get on a 745am bus in order to get to Pisa by 930am. We get to the station and buy our bus tickets only to be told the 745 bus wouldn't be running because there weren't enough people and the next bus was 810. We were really irritated. It's an airport bus. People need to be somewhere. Italy has changed A LOT in 20 years but they still don't pay attention to schedules. Annoying! I reminded Sarah that Rick Steves tells us to be flexible. Luckily, we'd purchased flight insurance just for this very problem so we didn't have to worry too much about missing our flight.  Italy! 

We made our flight though. The great thing about the Italians is that they are casual so the ticketing/gate folks didn't mind that we were late. We were the last ones on the plane but still made time to take a photo.

Welcome to London!

Day 7 & 8 Firenze

I am writing this one day late! Yesterday was lovely like all of our days. We started at the Uffizi -- the largest collection of medieval and renaissance work in the world. Luckily, we purchased a Firenze pass so we could bypass the INCREDIBLY LONG LINES. We listened to the audio tour. I was reminded that all art during this period reflected either biblical stories or greek mythology and most work included some homage to the patron who funded the work or some other secret message.

Some of my favorites:

Birth of Venus

A ceiling. We don't have ceilings like this in the US. It's painted!

These two photos were hung next to each other.. I like the woman-centered nature. 

Since my brain has a 60 minute limit for Madonna and child art, I took a sunny break outside. I drank lovely hot chocolate while gazing at the Palazzo Vecchio. All fun.

On to lunch and then the Accademia, home of the most famous Renaissance statue, The David. I didn't take any photos because it was 1. VERY CROWDED and 2. You have seen The David.

The David never disappoints though. We loved it. There was also an exhibit of Renaissance instruments. Then we walked over to the Baptistry. I am convinced that the Baptistry was under construction when we were here last. I walked by the gates all the time. They tell more biblical stories. I have no memory of the stunning inside of the Baptistry. Before it was an octagonal house of Catholic worship, it was a pagan house of worship. It is simple with Islamic tile floors and glorious gold mosaics on the wall.

Only the center of a large gold ceiling

We weren't done yet. I have a book called Secret Florence. We journeyed on to the Piazza Annunziata. It's the home of an old orphanage and current children's rights organization (that still houses the orphanage). I wanted to see the FoundlingWheel. It was the way that many people of the 15th - 20th centuries abandoned their children.  Parents took their children to the orphanage (which was originally run by a convent). The slipped newborns through the window onto a cushion and rang a bell. The nuns then took the child and the parents are never seen.

We also visited the Orphanage museum which was mostly sadness. 

We were so tired last night, we didn't even go out to dinner. We ate here and went to bed. We woke up early this morning to climb the Duomo, something neither of us did when we were here years ago. We climbed 493 narrow steps through the dome. The top of the dome provides one of the best views in Florence.

Behind us is Giotto's tower, Piazza della Republica and a glimpse of the palace where we went to school years ago.

At the bottom of the church - dome above

We then visited our school's new facilities and chatted with the Dean of students who used to be a Philosophy prof at Seattle U and he also taught in the Florence program when we were there.

We now have a regular Italian restaurant. It is so wonderful that we have been there three times. We have tried many restaurants, many pastas, many gelatos and this place is so great that we've decided just to go there for the rest of our meals. We love that the restaurant is family-owned. The waiters are the son and nephew of the owner. The woman who buses the tables speaks Spanish so I can easily converse with her. I can survive with my Italian but everyone speaks great English so all of my study wasn't really necessary. It is fun to speak Italian though.

Day 6 Florence

Another lovely day! We've decided that Florence is adult Disneyland. When we were here 22 years ago, we weren't able to experience the amazing food in the way that we can now. Sarah cannot eat gluten so she researched all of the restaurants that had gluten-free pastas and pizza dough and could understand what it means to have celiac disease.

We started the day with coffee at the cafe near our old school. The exact same people work in the shop since, like many places here, it's family owned.

We wandered toward a Van Gogh exhibit I wanted to see after visited the Van Gogh museum. This exhibit was a multi-media show inside an old church. There was no original art but rather projections of Van Gogh's work in mostly chronological order with excerpts from his letters to his brother to explain where Van Gogh was psychologically at the time of each set of paintings. The show was set to music. It was a good compliment to the Van Gogh museum but definitely not a substitute for it.

We saw this art on our way:

We then ended up at a leather bag shop staffed by a British woman and Sarah bought lots of stuff. I found a purse and something for Sonia. It was fun. So then we were hungry again and headed to another place with gluten free options:

We made it to the Van Gogh exhibit then went home for a late afternoon break. We left again at 7pm and listened to Rick Steves' Renaissance Florence walking tour.  The tour ended at the Ponte Vecchio so we wandered over to the Oltrarno neighborhood on the other side for more delicious food. We are now on the Italian schedule and ate dinner at 9pm. The streets were mostly empty except for a lot of police. We asked one police officer what was going on. Apparently the head of the Italian right-wing party was at a meeting. He is a controversial fellow and therefore, the police had to make sure he was safe and that there were no big protests. It was pretty quiet. I saw the sign for the political party but apparently mis-read it because I asked the officer if he was against tourism. No, the guy laughed and said he is against immigration -- seems like that movement has swept south. Although the officer did say the party didn't have much support in Tuscany.

Day 5 Firenze

While Florence looks the same as I remember, the people have changed. We noticed far fewer smokers and far more people from different countries (many more Asians and Eastern Europeans). We realized the world economy has dramatically changed since we were last here. Technology, the rise of China, and the end of Communism has spread money throughout the world. Another very big change is that I am now a Signora. I love it. I can look people in the eye and not worry about them following me.

This morning, I went out solo to find coffee. I realize now I've been ordering the wrong thing here. I now order a macchiato. The cappuccinos here are like weak lattes at home. I also need to order double shots. It is comforting to know that Seattle's coffee rivals Italy's. It's like the child has become more successful than the parent.

We decided to re-acquaint ourselves with the city and we walked all over the city. As before, there is art everywhere. The same art of course. About 20% of the art is behind scaffolding as it's so old it always needs to be repaired.

The Greek god Neptune 

David about to fight Goliath



We headed over the Ponte Vecchio - a 1000 year old bridge. 

We had mid-day gelato

We visited the location of our school Palazzo Antinori on Via Tornabuoni (very near the duomo). We strolled around the Duomo and the small streets that were never meant to have cars on them.

We ate a delicious late lunch. We felt like grown-ups since it was the kind of restaurant we never would have entered 20 years ago.