Big Three

Jack is three today. It's surreal. How can he be so old? After being away from him for 5 days, I notice he seems like a little boy -- his vocabulary is rapidly expanding, he plays by himself for longer and longer periods of time. He enjoys drawing and playing with any one of the various transportation toys we have. He has an amazing memory. He smiles a lot... especially when he is watching or reading Dora the Explorer. He really digs the Dora stories..



Happy Birthday Jack!

Red Sonia and Curly Jack

Sonia has red hair. I have no idea where she got that. One of my sister's friends met Sonia and immediately starting calling her Red Sonia .. if the name sounds familiar it's because Red Sonja was a Conan the barbarian movie .. and you are old enough to remember that.

Jack seems to be getting used to Sonia. I was in arizona for a few days over the weekend and when I talked to him on the phone he asked me where Sonia was (she came with me, Jack stayed home). He throws fewer tantrums (unless he is hungry, then watch out) and he also likes to give Sonia kisses on her head. Every time he kisses her he says "ohhh!" Which is what other people say after they see Jack kiss her. It's very cute. Jack has also adjusted well to his preschool. He goes three half days a week to a little place nearby that has 7 other kids. Since there is another Jack at the school, they call Jack 'curly jack.' Now when asked his name, he'll say 'curly jack.' If he's ever a pirate, he'll have a good name.

It seems both of my children are notable for their hair.

I am at home with them all the time now -- no work for the next year or so. I am surprised to find that I like being with them all the time. It is a tremendous amount of work but it's nice that they are my only job.

Rest in Peace Dad

My dad died last wednesday, October 14. He took his own life.. we'll never truly know why. He was sick and thought he would never recover - that's the simple answer but the truth is far more complex. It is shocking and completely devastating. You are never ready to lose a parent. My dad had lived a good life (from his point of view and ours) He had just turned 83. But that doesn't matter. He cannot be replaced.

My brother and I read the following at his memorial service:

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My name is Alicia Goodwin – I am Charlie’s oldest child and this is my sister Katie and brother Charlie. Thank you for being here today to remember our dad. Research has proven our memories are notoriously inaccurate. How we remember the events of our lives is determined first by our emotions. We remember how we felt first and on top of that foundation, our memories are made. When Katie, Charlie and I talked about what we wanted to say today, we found our memories of our dad were all a little different but they had one thing in common: we always felt our dad loved us unconditionally. If he was ever critical or disappointed in us, we don’t remember. During my high school years, my dad tried to get me to apply to the Air Force Academy and I was never interested. For years, my brother had long hair and was a vegetarian. My sister went through a leather pants phase. None of us vote Republican. Given the era during which he grew up, these decisions must have been hard to understand but he always accepted them. He never tried to convince us to be anyone but who we were. And he always seemed proud of us. If you ever heard him talk about us you might have thought we were Nobel prize winners. We are grateful to him for his kindness, love and support. It allowed us to become the people we are today. As a parent myself, I am grateful for the model he provided and hope I can be that good to my own children.

As adults, our dad’s home was always a refuge. Going home meant we had someone to take care of us – our dad always offered food and a drink and anything else we might need. He’d give us anything we asked for and never requested anything in return. Our dad taught us the meaning of loyalty and the importance of family not by telling us but by showing us. We feel so fortunate to have had him as a father. We will always remember our dad’s laugh and his smile. He was always happy to see us. But what we may remember most is that our dad was at his best when he was with our stepmother, Terry. She made him so happy and we are so grateful to her for making his last years his best.

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At his request we had a party the night of the service. The party was one of his last requests and he paid for the drinks. There were lots of old fighter pilots there from his air force days. It was great to hear stories about that part of his life and it felt good to laugh -- He was a jovial person and I think he would have enjoyed the party.

Lax

Before Sonia, we had a few rules.. like we eat food only at the table, no binkies until it's time to sleep, no videos.. all those rules are gone now. We eat on "mom and dad's bed" because mom is always feeding sonia there. Because sonia is always eating, we are now watching videos (while eating on mom and dad's bed). So far, I like Dora the Explorer the best. WHo knew CHarlie Brown was such a downer? The characters are so mean.

We are slowly adjusting. Jack likes Sonia. He is very cute and gentle with her.. not so much with us. He screams a lot more now but I can't blame him. I know in time he will mellow out. It's definitely frustrating for me not to be able to pay as much attention to Jack and equally frustrating for him.

For the most part though, things are going really well. I don't find any of the baby stuff as difficult as I did the first time. I enjoy just taking care of my kidlets. I know the survival mode that we are currently in won't last long.

Welcome Sonia!

My posts are going to become fewer and further between! Right now, my mom and Ryan are here helping me and I am not sure how I will do the job of three people in a few weeks. Luckily I have some help until Sonia is 6 weeks old so I have some time to figure it out.

Sonia Katherine was born on 9-13-09 at 115am. She was 20 inches long and weighed 8lbs 4oz. She seems to be doing well.. lots of eating, sleeping, pooping, and crying. We are happy she is here.

Big Brother

Jack is now a big brother. Since this is my second child, there are many things I am already used to --sleep deprivation, hanging out at home, diaper changing. The new thing is Jack. He has changed a little. He doesn't seem as happy as he used to be. He throws tantrums a lot. I miss him. I don't get to spend the same kind of time with him that I did and that makes me sad. So with the happiness of welcoming Sonia into our lives, we are also a little sad at having to say goodbye to Jack's only child status. I am almost always confident that a second child was a great decision for all of us. Yet, transitions are hard and this is probably Jack's first real challenge. We are hoping to help him through as best we can.

He seems to like Sonia. He is very kind and gentle around her.. He has also taken a new interest in drinking milk from a bottle (although I am breastfeeding -- much easier this time)

The labor

Almost two weeks ago (seems like years) on Saturday Sept 13 my water broke at 8am. And just like my labor with Jack, my water broke, then nothing happened. I went to the hospital - - the midwives confirmed my water had broken and told me to return at 8pm. They thought my labor would start but I was convinced it wouldn't. They kept saying this time is going to be different than the last.

Well, at 830 or so, I returned. Still, nothing was happening. They put my on the monitor and said I was having contractions. I felt some light contractions but told them I'd see them in the morning since the only time I had any contractions was when I was on their monitors. I went to the house of some friends (Jack was staying with my mom for the weekend). By about 930 I realized I was having regular contractions and I went home to labor there (although I still wasn't convinced I was in labor) By 1030, I knew I was definitely in labor and things had gotten difficult enough that I didn't want to be in the car. Ryan drove me to the hospital. We arrived around 1045. My labor went pretty quickly from there and Sonia was born at 115am. Really, it was a piece of cake as far as labors are concerned.

We were so happy to meet sonia and so happy things had gone so smoothly. Ryan was snoozing and I was feeding Sonia and talking to Jenny, our friend and doula. I noticed I was bleeding but I thought that was normal. HOwever, when the nurse checked me she said I was bleeding quite a bit. Then it became clear my bleeding wasn't slowing down as it was supposed to. Many people started coming into the room -- for hours -- it took until 6 or so to get things under control. It's not a great memory.. the worst part was that they kept pressing down on my uterus and I would hear a splash as large amounts of blood came out. After a few hours, it became very disconcerting but by then I was getting pain medicine because of all the intervention and that mellowed me out. For several hours, I had a 10lb shotput sitting on my abdomen.. Whatever they did helped, because here I am. My recovery has been much more difficult but in the end, I am so glad it's me and not sonia who has the big recovery.

Still pregnant

I have 7 days left until my "due" date. It's odd that I could have the baby either tomorrow or in 3 weeks. Hopefully, soon.

Reflections

This weekend while I was eating a doughnut, I reached over to dip the doughnut in a bowl of whipped cream. Then I thought that I really need to give birth. It’s time. Mom and baby are large enough. I am at the stage when everyone comments on my size. Imagine if everyone who saw you made a comment about how big you are. It’s tiresome at best. When I was pregnant with Jack, I felt like it would be ok to be pregnant forever. It didn’t bother me much and I wasn’t really ready to have a child. Now I am ready. But I technically have 4 weeks to wait … and grow… larger.