At the beginning of March, I started PA school. I knew it would be challenging but I thought I was prepared. Two weeks into school, I started having trouble sleeping.. something that's never happened to me before. Then two weeks later, I went to bed one night and didn't sleep at all. I had no idea what was going on. Then I didn't sleep the following night. For the next 6 weeks I slept only 3-4 hours a night at best and basically, I slowly went crazy from sleep deprivation. I had to withdraw from school as I could not keep up with the workload. Finally, I found a great doctor and got the help I needed.
Those 6 weeks were easily the worst of my life. I never expected such a thing to happen to me. Everyone around me was shocked.. especially me.
In retrospect, I suppose that attempting to go to a graduate program that requires 70-80 hours a week of work while having 2 small kids was possibly unwise. As one nurse put it 'now you know you have limits.' The funny things about it is that I honestly didn't know that. I thought I could do anything. Don't people go to medical school with small kids? There was only one woman in the PA program with kids my age -- and she was already a doctor (from India) whose mother lived with her and her husband.
Now I am re-evaluating everything. Everything. I'd like to find a career in the health care field. I want to work. But I have to find a program that fits into my life. I have to be able to breathe while in school. I have to have some flexibility to care for my kids and spend time with Ryan. I have to be able to care for myself as well.. something I have definitely not been doing much of these last 4.5 years.
So, for the next year, I'll be home figuring out my next step.. taking care of the kids.. finishing the house remodel... and recovering from a really awful experience with insomnia. Now that I have my health again I realize it is the only thing that matters. Truly.
Pre-PA school. Lily visited us:
During PA school. Kids not happy
During PA school. I took the kids to my moms. They had a blast.
Post-withdrawal from school. I finally started sleeping and we are all happier. I lost 10 pounds during the 6 weeks I didn't sleep but I have gained it all back and more! I have never been so happy about weight gain.