Based on the advice of a few people we admire, we started having a family meeting once a week. It generally lasts 5-10 minutes as our kids don't have a lot of patience for it. Mainly, we talk about the schedule for the week. Ryan generally has no idea what the schedule is and Jack always needs reminders so we also post the schedule.
Then everyone gets a chance to talk. Tonight, I was the only one with a topic. It was "you are responsible for your anger. If you are an adult, you are responsible for your anger 100% of the time. No exceptions. Ryan was frustrated with Sonia yesterday and did something I found objectionable. When I protested, he blamed Sonia. This is never ok. Adults should never blame children for their poor behavior. Ever. I also see this blame game everywhere among adults: in our school there's a teacher who blame students for her incessant yelling. Then there are the people who blame their boss or wife or the sales associate or the postal carrier or the person driving the speed limit when they're in a hurry (ad infinitum) for their unskillful and crappy behavior.
This blame game will not happen in my house.
That was the end of the meeting.
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