Sick

For the last week, 1 of my kids has been sick. Sonia woke up from her nap last Thursday with a fever. The fever lasted 4 miserable days and was followed by two more miserable days of serious, mucus-filled head cold. On Sonia's last day of misery, Jack got the fever. In addition to the fever, he is now vomiting. These are not good times. It's interesting to me how my challenges with sick kids have changed. First, it's been a year since either of my kids has been this sick and that is a huge improvement. When Jack was little, this level of illness seemed the norm. While I had an afternoon of being very freaked out by how sick Sonia was (I was convinced she has meningitis), for the most part I have not been anxious about how sick they are.

There is always some struggle involved -- we have been in quarantine most of the last week. We don't sleep well at night. But the worst has been this feeling I've had that if I had not chosen to have children I would not be going through this. If I'd made a different choice, my life would be easier. I would be happier.

At first I didn't know what to do with this piece of human conditioning. It was kicked off by seeing pictures of child-free friends kite surfing in Mexico. I have no way of knowing if I would be happier. Who knows what I would be doing right now. My life would be completely different. Since I never would have experienced a life with children, I wouldn't know how different it is to be without them. But the whole conversation is just depressing.

The other truth of this experience is that I like taking care of these two little people. There is joy in reading to them and making sure they are comfortable. Jack and I have had some cute heart to hearts. He asked me how he got into my belly. I have told him this story before. Each time he listens without comment. He was very interested in how his dad cut his umbilical cord. He told me about a book he'd read called 'Wenis the Penis' about a guy named wenis who has a penis named wenis. We didn't get to the plot level but it was funny.
Today the sun in shining. I am grateful that I don't have to be anywhere else.. and I wish I were kite surfing in Mexico.