Youth

Parenting always makes a person think of their youth. In this case, I don't mean the years I was a child. I mean youth as vitality .. youth as not having experience a lot of pain .. naive hope.. stuff like that. I mean the spirit of being young. My digital photo library only goes back to 2004 and I was trying to find a picture from that time. I found a picture of me with friends out at a party -- my bachelorette party. The thing about the picture that is interesting to me is that I don't just look younger .. I look like I've lived less -- suffered less. Life and parenting are definitely aging me. It's fascinating how the stress and pain of life appears on the face.. especially the eyes. I do not long for that time, and there is no way I'd be who I am today and have that same face..

Sonia is funny

Sonia seems to be growing out of her nap. She isn't tired most afternoons. Today, I put her down at 3 and she slept until 5 but then she stayed awake tonight until almost 10. Long after Jack had gone to sleep, I heard her downstairs. She walked quietly up the stairs. When she got to my room, she put her head down and crept quietly to my bathroom.. obviously thinking if she couldn't see me I couldn't see her. Then she played in the bathroom for a little while then came out and sat on the floor. Finally, I said hi and told her to come lay down. She was so happy. She said 'oh good snuggle with mama.' Then we laid down for a while and she sang 'you are my sunshine.' She is so funny.. such a great snuggler and usually very sweet. Her latest love is pink baby, featured below. She always wants to have pink baby nearby. If she can't find her she'll say, 'mama find pink baby RIGHT NOW!' or my favorite is when she asks me where pink baby is. I'll then say ' I don't know, do you know where she is?' then she replies 'I don't know and I don't care.' (she picked that gem up from jack).

Funny.

Snow

It started snowing a week ago. School was closed all week. Today was the first day we could use our car. We all enjoyed playing outside.. Jack loved sledding. I was grateful for the kids in the neighborhood because we had lots to do. Even so, both kids were out of sorts. Jack wanted to either watch movies or play with our neighbors. If he wasn't doing one of those two things,he was unhappy. He is not a whiner but this week he whined A LOT. Sonia did not love the snow. I think it's just a little too difficult for her to walk in and she complained about being cold a lot. She did like sledding and playing outside but not for long.

One morning our neighbors came to our house. The kids played dress-up. Our neighbor is dressed here as a poor woman on the Titanic singing to collect money. She won hands-down for most creative.

While the snow was beautiful and we didn't really feel too inconvenienced by our lack of mobility or even our lack of power (1 day), the snow lifestyle did not bring out the best in any of us. We are grateful the storm has passed.

My children want to be with me all the time

I am writing this down because I know it won't last. I do not have any memory of feeling this way towards my parents but I am sure I did .. many, many years ago .. a dim memory for my parents I am sure.
When I cook, they either have to sit on the counter, on a chair next to me, or on the floor near where I am standing. If they decide to go into their rooms, they want me to come with them. The only thing for which Jack has a long attention span is being read to -- by me (or Ryan). They demand attention often by yelling or annoying behavior ( brother hitting sister or sister getting into the coffee beans and throwing them everywhere ). I get tired of it. Why must they be appendages? Yet, I know it's temporary. They love me so. Mostly, I really enjoy it.

Sick

For the last week, 1 of my kids has been sick. Sonia woke up from her nap last Thursday with a fever. The fever lasted 4 miserable days and was followed by two more miserable days of serious, mucus-filled head cold. On Sonia's last day of misery, Jack got the fever. In addition to the fever, he is now vomiting. These are not good times. It's interesting to me how my challenges with sick kids have changed. First, it's been a year since either of my kids has been this sick and that is a huge improvement. When Jack was little, this level of illness seemed the norm. While I had an afternoon of being very freaked out by how sick Sonia was (I was convinced she has meningitis), for the most part I have not been anxious about how sick they are.

There is always some struggle involved -- we have been in quarantine most of the last week. We don't sleep well at night. But the worst has been this feeling I've had that if I had not chosen to have children I would not be going through this. If I'd made a different choice, my life would be easier. I would be happier.

At first I didn't know what to do with this piece of human conditioning. It was kicked off by seeing pictures of child-free friends kite surfing in Mexico. I have no way of knowing if I would be happier. Who knows what I would be doing right now. My life would be completely different. Since I never would have experienced a life with children, I wouldn't know how different it is to be without them. But the whole conversation is just depressing.

The other truth of this experience is that I like taking care of these two little people. There is joy in reading to them and making sure they are comfortable. Jack and I have had some cute heart to hearts. He asked me how he got into my belly. I have told him this story before. Each time he listens without comment. He was very interested in how his dad cut his umbilical cord. He told me about a book he'd read called 'Wenis the Penis' about a guy named wenis who has a penis named wenis. We didn't get to the plot level but it was funny.
Today the sun in shining. I am grateful that I don't have to be anywhere else.. and I wish I were kite surfing in Mexico.

Arizona!

We spent 10 days in Arizona during our Christmas break. We had a great time. The weather was amazing, we got to spend lots of time with family, and we had many fun adventures.

We went to the Children's Museum (much cooler than ours)

We took a hike in the White Tank Mountains. We hiked to a waterfall. I thought there might be water in the fall because of all the rain Phoenix has had lately.

Jack is standing in front of the water-less fall.. although you can see the little pond the fall created when it had water.

Aunt Katie helps Jack assemble his fire engine / village. I would not recommend this toy.. I thought it was a matchbox toy but it's a weak imitation.

We took the kids to a train park in Scottsdale with my friend Aida and her kids. This was great fun. We went on train rides, saw a model train village, had a picnic, played at the park.

Lastly, we went to the air force base near my parents' homes to visit the fighter planes there. My dad's name is on an F-86 and we were sure to get our pictures taken in front of that plane.