Chest compressions

Long ago, it was proven that experience cannot be passed through our genetic code. It seems obvious now. My dad flew fighter planes but I cannot fly at all. I speak Spanish. Jack does not. However, there was a time when some people believed this theory.. this video may be proof for them. I have been trained as an EMT. I have done chest compressions. Here is jack doing chest compressions... he even checks for a pulse. Although I will need to explain to him that it is not appropriate to laugh..

That frog

I haven't been posting much lately because all of my posts are beginning to sound the same. We are sick. We are laying low. It is not that fun. Jack got sick again last weekend. He was awake from midnight Saturday night to 9pm Sunday night and he was not happy during that time. At one point, in fact, he looked up at me and just screamed .. twice. Turned out he had two ear infections and a throat infection. I am very grateful for the children's hospital after hours clinic.
In spite of all the sickness, Jack is changing a lot. He has started to include books into his solo playtime. He turns the pages and babbles as if he is reading. He knows what the cow says.. moo! He definitely understands a lot of what we say. Tonight ryan and I were talking about how Jack gives us hugs and kisses, and he looked up at us and blew us a kiss (bridget taught him that trick). Sadly, it seems we can get none of this on camera. He is like that frog from the warner bros cartoons. When the camera is off, he is so entertaining. Then we turn the camera on and he won't do anything. I suppose he may think he is not my show pony.
I have also made some changes in my life. I became tired of having to call in sick so much at work. There isn't anyone to replace me where I work so it is upsetting to people when I am not there. I decided to leave my job and found a very flexible job that allows me to work from home as much as I want. It's a tech job that uses my old skills. I'll do it for a year while I apply to graduate school. A friend of mine said to me recently: your work needs to fit into your life not the other way around. That helped me reframe my priorities.

The latest

I think I am finally well from being sick for about 3 weeks. In my last post I thought I was on the mend but then I got worse and then worse. I felt the full impact of that annoying phrase 'the buck stops here.' The sick parent thing is a disaster. Ryan took some time off work but he has a new job so he had to return. I was unable to get out of bed and there was simply no one who could help. We live in a busy culture. Everyone is busy.. including me on days I am not nearly dying... so I understand why people can't drop everything to help me care for my child. Luckily for me, when I woke up in the morning I could function enough to get out of bed and care for Jack.

We have been laying pretty low since but on Friday, Bridget and I went to the Museum of Flight. It's great. Jack is more interested in climbing things and motoring around than he was in the exhibits. Lily is really into planes and was always pointing and saying "plane."

We found a great kids book in the bookstore called "Goodnight Seattle" .. a cross between Goodnight Moon and a tour of Seattle. I highly recommend it.

50 Viruses

Jack is sick again but this time, we all got it. Ryan and I got the flu and Jack (since he was partially flu-vaccinated) got a flu-ette. He also got an ear infection and now he is vomiting anything containing lactose. I don't recall the last time I was as sick as I got this weekend. Luckily Ryan got sick a few days before I did so we could kind of cover for each other during our worst patches. On Saturday, we took Jack to the Children's Hospital after hours clinic (a great alternative to an ER) because I suspected Jack had an ear infection (my clue was 2 hours of crying the night before). When I mentioned how much Jack had been sick lately she said that between birth and the end of kindergarten kids get an average of 50 viruses. That would mean getting something every six weeks, on average.

I remember Ann Keppler saying that when you have a small child you are just surviving and certainly during months like this I can see what she means. While it is hard to find the joy in the vomit, having a sick baby forces both of us to really slow down. Today, Ryan and I sat on our porch steps in the sun with Jack. We all just sat there. We never do that. So occasionally we do have some really nice moments.

For some light entertainment, I watched a video my friend sent of a toddler belting out "hey jude." It is damn funny.

Here is the banana in a not so happy place

Just call me Lovey

I have heard people say that once you have kids, you become more conservative.. like you morph into a republican when you walk out of the hospital holding your new bundle of joy. This has not happened to me, and it's hard to imagine under what circumstances it would.. maybe if I got amnesia then had a lobotomy.

But I have noticed that I have become conservative in other ways. Jack and I went to Arizona last weekend to visit my mom and the sun. It was a lovely vacay and Jack is a great traveller. On Saturday night, my mom watched him while I went to the roller derby with some friends from high school. It was a lot of fun except for one small part. The roller derby was in west phoenix.. west phoenix makes south seattle look like beverly hills. I am from west phoenix so I know it well. And the general scene around the derby brought back more of those high school memories. I used to have to take the city bus home from my high school which was 25 miles east of my home. I went to an all-girls catholic school and I sometime forgot clothes to change into so I had to wear my uniform on the bus.. and the bus picked up lots of high school kids from the public schools of west phoenix. My uniform was a plaid pleated skirt and theirs was mostly whatever was worn in the latest Winger video. Let's just say I don't recall us ever really getting along. And now those people have grown up and on Saturday nights they take their grandchildren to the roller derby.

As I drove home, I thought that I would make sure Jack never had experiences like that. I want to shelter him from the west phoenix people. Then I realized how snotty that sounded but unfortunately, the feeling is genuine and not fleeting. Hmmm.

Here we are at (where else?) the country club:

Healed!

Thankfully, Jack is now feeling better. He had the stomach virus for 9! days. It caused a lot of suffering .. Jack gave it to Ryan, Laurie, Bridget and Lily. Lily gave it to her mother and grandmother. Now things are great.. in that way that happens after you think you might have some fatal disease and it turns out to be nothing. Life is just a little brighter.

These days, Jack has learned to point to his nose when you ask him where it is. He claps a lot but I can't exactly figure out what he is trying to communicate when he does it because he does it very randomly. He is also very into showing you how big he is with his arms (so big!). We also just learned we have a place at a daycare in July (Bridget will be leaving us within the next few months). I feel pretty mixed about the daycare thing .. but it will only be three days a week and it could be fun for Jack.

This is Jack playing with his favorite toy: the recycling.

Sickie

For the last 7 days, jack has been sick. It started out as a virus. We know this because 2 days after Jack got sick, Ryan was sick and then our poor friend Laurie who was nice enough to bring us lunch one day, got sick. It was a horrible stomach bug that passed through the adults in 24 hours.. but not Jack. He threw up for three straight days and a little more erratically for the last four. I have talked to doctors who keep saying its a virus but at this point that is hard to believe. After a year of being harassed by the medical establishment about Jack's low weight, now they don't care that he is losing weight.. a little more than 10% so far.

I am trying hard to be optimistic and believe that he will be ok soon. But a very bizarre kind of fear grips me when something is not right with Jack. It's hard to overcome with a cheery attitude. Fortunately for me, this fear seems to grip most moms. I have talked to a few mom friends who were all very concerned and freaked out on my behalf. I found that oddly comforting.

No pics today since Jack has been so sad. Hopefully the next post features happy and eating jack with happy mom.

Happy New Year

Ryan, Jack and I went to Arizona to celebrate Christmas. It was a lovely visit. We spent time with family and friends in the sun. The sun was out EVERY DAY! Love that. Jack was almost literally showered with gifts. We are so grateful for all of the things that people have been inspired by their love for Jack to buy. Except for this:



I love my dad but somewhere someone is probably using that song as a method of torture. On that note (ha!), I have to mention the story of stuff. The singing dog/reindeer thing is the epitome of why I wish we all lived by this philosophy.

On Friday, Ryan and I visited Sedona while my mom watched Jack. If you can ignore all of the crazy identical faux-adobe development, Sedona is still amazing.





My mom and Jack:



Lastly, I had to include pics of my bro's new mustache. Just because I love my bro!

Lessons from Microbiology

A few weeks before my micro class ended, the prof and I were chatting at the end of a lab when I was the last person to finish. She often mentioned her kids during lectures using their various childhood illnesses as examples. In spite of all the information she made us memorize, I will always remember this conversation before any of that. Her kids are now in their early to mid-twenties and she told me what they were up to. She also mentioned they still lived in the area and the family had dinner together every Sunday. I commented how cool that was that they were still close. She said that when her children were in their pre-teen years, she and her husband realized they would have a relationship with them as adults longer than they would as children and they adjusted their parenting style accordingly. I had never thought of parenting in that way before. As of this summer, I will have lived away from my parents as long as I lived with them.

This conversation sort of haunted me throughout my arizona visit. For some strange reason, I felt like I was re-living my childhood the whole time and by childhood, I mean my teen years. They are the only years I remember well. They were so hard on everyone and they definitely left scars. Now I see all this as a parent. How sad that I can only remember those years. I think of the way things are with Jack now and I want him to remember this time too. We have such sweet moments that you just don't have with a teenager..

(us on the airplane)


All of this introspection led me to three conclusions: 1. I love having a *baby*! 2. I have lots of time before I need to worry about all this 3. because all I have is the present (all crisis of my life lead me to this anyway)

Best places for Seattle kids

One of my very dear friends from high school visited recently. I realized how dull my life has become... very. But I also realized I am not in the loop for great places to hang out with kids. The old hang outs (restaurants, coffee shops, bars) don't work anymore. So my friend Katie and I took Jack to the Seattle Public Library. They have a great children's section that Jack really liked and Katie and I could chat while we followed him around. We also hit the Children's museum with my PEPS group as we celebrated all the 1 year birthdays in our group. The energy at the museum was fairly crazy for a baby civilian but we had great conversations with the parents in my group who have mastered the art of splitting their attention.

These are pictures of Jack at the library:

Santa

Last weekend, some friends of mine asked me if I planned to take Jack to see Santa. I had not considered that idea but knew right away that the answer was no. I have a couple of reasons for this. During my own childhood and adolescence, I remember feeling powerless. I have always enjoyed adulthood because, usually, I do what I want. I always have choices. I don't like the idea of making Jack sit on a stranger's lap so he can get a picture taken (while he screams). I don't think it's cute. When Jack is older, if he wants to sit on Santa's lap and ask him for presents, that's fine. But until he is choosing it, I don't plan to participate.

For now, he can sit on mom's lap:

Blue and the Y chromosome

Jack and Lily have now become pals. They play together pretty well which is a change from the days when Lily constantly harassed Jack. She could do it because her motor skills were (and still are) way ahead of Jack's. She walks, waves, claps and does sign language. I mentioned this to our doctor who said "girls are more advanced." I assume she means at this age but when does that difference end and why? What is it about the double X that makes girls advance more quickly? The Y is pretty puny .. but I don't get it. I am sure there is a book on it somewhere but I don't have time to read it.

Watching Jack and Lily makes me think a lot about the characteristics we assign to each gender. I never want Jack to feel he has to be a certain way -- aggressive or stoic or whatever - just because he is a boy. I thought I would just try to avoid owning the stereotypical boy things. I always said I wouldn't put Jack in all blue - we didn't find out his gender so we would get gender-neutral gifts... but then I thought, what does color have to do with gender? If Jack wears pink every day of his life, will he be sensitive? Highly unlikely yet I don't dress him in pink. I feel strange about it so clearly we have assigned some meaning to color in relationship to gender.

Lily has many fabulous girl clothes including this gold jacket. I think Jack looks happy in the coat.. Would my dad agree? No.

Happy Thanksgiving

It is an absolutely beautiful day in Seattle today. I went to a yoga class this morning and had time to reflect on the many things in my life for which I am very grateful: Our community of friends and family who have made our transition to parenthood possible, our health, and our little guy who almost always emanates joy.



Also a better pic from halloween.. Bridget had jack and lily just hanging out in their halloween costumes. Lily was a dinosaur.

Cake

We had a little party for Jack. I secretly hoped he wouldn't like the cake as I have seen a few babies his age do. But, alas, that did not happen.

Happy Birthday to Jack

It was a beautiful day -- on the day you were born. That is what Bridget and Heather's grandmother said every time she called her grandchildren on their birthdays. When I heard that, I wondered what I would say to Jack. On the day you were born I had no idea what the weather was like because I was so overwhelmed that I never thought to look out the window? No. I won't say that because I imagine that my narrative of my first few days and months with Jack will fade and instead be replaced with my feelings for him now. It is impossible to summarize this year. Certainly, it has been the hardest of my life but not the worst. I have made a lot of sacrifices but for a worthy exchange.

If I were to convey anything to Jack about his birthday I think I would steal the sentiments from the last few pages of the lovely children's book 'On the Day You Were Born.'

On the day you were born
the Earth turned, the moon pulled, the sun flared
and then, with a push, you slipped out of the dark quiet
where suddenly you could hear ...

a circle of people singing with voices familiar and clear

welcome to the spinning world the people sang
as they washed your tiny hands

welcome to the green earth, the people sang
as they wrapped your wet, slippery body

And as they held you close
they whispered into your open, curving ear
We are so glad you've come

12 hours later

So here I am 12 hours after my labor technically started.. I was having regular contractions but nothing very strong. Since my water had broken 12 hours earlier, the midwife insisted I check into the hospital. The strange thing about remembering this time is realizing that I was in denial about having a baby. I suppose it was a coping mechanism for something that was too overwhelming to even imagine.

Last year at this time

If you asked me what I was doing on August 12 or May 23 of last year or any specific day of most years of my life, I would have no idea. But I do remember November 16, 2006. I woke up, walked to my chemistry class, had lunch at a little cafe by school, then I went to my chemistry lab where I stood for 5! hours working on the most tedious lab of my entire year of chemistry. A former chemistry professor saw me and mentioned he didn't think I was going to make it until the end of the quarter based on the size of my stomach. I really didn't think I looked that big. I got home around 5 .. I don't remember what happened until 11:30 when I felt a weird snap and suspected that my water had broken.

Here is what I looked like:



(we actually took this on the morning of 11/17. i had sort of slept that night .. but not really)

Photo shoot

I recently decided that we should have professional family photos taken.. I wanted to celebrate the end of Jack's first year. I am also aware that I am not a great photographer so I wanted some good shots. A dear friend of mine took the photos (samples of her work) at the arboretum. Here are a few of our favorites:





It's kind of weird having a family photo taken. (We do have shots of the three of us but I don't have the images yet) This used to mean a picture with my siblings and parents. But now I have a family of my own. I feel very grown-up. I suppose it's time.

Happy Halloween

A little late.

The latest news is that I started a babysitting co-op in my neighborhood. We have 6 families participating -- kids range in age from 4 months to 7. It's a pretty simple arrangement. Everyone gets 15 poker chips. Each hour "costs" one chip and the only way you get chips is to watch someone else's child(ren). Ryan and I are going out tonight (woo-hoo!) and I am watching 2 kids tomorrow night. I actually like children now whereas before I had a child, I thought they were kind of boring. So, I am looking forward to getting to know the kids in my neighborhood.

Also, Jack has mastered getting up and down from a standing position so he is much happier. He is also feeding himself and displaying preferences for food as he eats. While this is a totally mundane thing that everyone you know does, it's crazy to see it displayed for the first time in another person. Yesterday I gave him a plate of eggs, toast, avocado and cheese (all sliced into small pieces). He ate the toast first and when it was gone went for the cheese, then the avocado, and finally the eggs -- although he mostly threw those on the floor. When I tried to feed him avocado first, he shook his head no and pushed my hand away.

What I love about child-raising is how thrilling it makes the average daily event. My lunch description sounds very dull, I am sure but to me, I was completely amazed by the whole event.

I couldn't get a great shot of Jack in his monkey costume. Ryan looks a little crazy but this is the best I could do.

Appetite for Destruction

Jack is pretty proficient at crawling and pulling himself up to standing.. he is quickly figuring out how to gracefully get from standing to sitting but he isn't quite there. So he is moving even more quickly than before but with one important difference. It seems that now when Jack enters a room, he surveys it to find the most dangerous object with which to play and heads straight for it. His room has lots of nice toys and a chair to climb on but he always goes for the space heater or the cord connected to the space heater. It reminds me of the view of the Terminator's brain ..constantly assessing what will cause the most damage. I am not sure why babies evolved to do this.. although now that I think about it, maybe it was the parents who evolved. I suppose if you couldn't figure out how to watch your child you weren't going to be ultimately successful at reproduction.

Jack's mean face. I think he is mad because he threw soup on his face:


Jack with straight hair: