More bb fashions

I dig the baby fashions. Luckily for me, I have a few very fashionable people in my life who either have children a little older than Jack or who enjoy buying children's clothing, so Jack has some great stuff. Here are a few of my faves:


casual at the park in levi's and a T with moose on it

(this is also a pic of Jack's immune system strengthening before your eyes as he chews on the plastic rake he found at the park)

hipster with a message

(it says "my mommy loves me")
business casual for the golf course or dress-down fridays


keeping the collar up on a cold day


life of the party in polka-dot jammies


this hat was a gift from my mom's aunt... it's a wee-bit small but we stretched it.

Free time!

Now that I don't work constantly, life is better. We took a little vacay to the oregon coast.. we hiked, walked along the beach, and listened to the '4 hour work week' ( an entertaining and kind of hilarious book on how to live more and work less ).

My first day

After quitting my ER job, I started a few weeks ago at a women's clinic. I work three days a week. The days I work are long so I don't see Jack much then but I have four days off with him and that is working out great.

The clinic where I work is a little different in that it receives a fair share of bomb threats. My first day the entire staff attended a training regarding what to do when and if this happens. Among the many conversation topics were who among the staff would be willing to actually look for the bomb if someone says they have planted one ( a highly unlikely event). No one said much for a few minutes but a few women volunteered that they'd be willing to do it since their children were grown. That turned out to be the dividing line -- if your children were not yet adults, you wouldn't do it, and if there were, you would.

I am not sure what I would have said before I had a child to be honest. However, it is clear now that our childrens' well-being is far more important than all of our strongly-held beliefs.

PEPS photo found

One of my peps pals pointed me to this early photo of our little ones. Jack is at the far left doing what he did best for the first three months of his life:



Here he is again.. mellower and bigger.

Our first summer

I haven't had much to write lately on the blog .. mainly because all I have been doing this summer is working. I have really been struggling with the balance thing. I recently accepted two part time jobs and I still have one more class to take next quarter. Now that the jobs have started I can see this was a bad idea. I am so used to doing as much as I possibly can but the problem with that now is that I don't see Jack. So it's not working.

I plan to quit one job and have a sane life.. it will probably delay my entry into graduate school but I don't care anymore.

In Jack news, our little one is commando-scooting (not exactly crawling yet but definitely moving forward). He is also a lot louder these days. We were told by his doctor that he had to gain weight so we've been feeding him super-high-fat cream of broccoli soup and yo-baby yogurt and stuff like that. According to a 1977 growth chart, Jack was in the 40% for weight but according to an updated 2006 chart he is apparently in the percentile with anorexic super model babies.

One of our few fun activities this summer was a pool party with our PEPS group. All the babies are around the same age... I wish I could find one of our earlier photos because they have all changed so much.

Swimming Lessons

We took swimming lessons this summer at the Colman pool -- a lovely outdoor salt water pool right next to the puget sound -- with our friends Megan and Maggie. Jack sort of enjoyed himself.. He definitely does not like swimming in the cold and there have been many cold days lately. Otherwise, he occasionally smiled but he wasn't enthusiastic. We'll try again next summer.




Maggie and Jack


The woman in this picture was in my chemistry class last fall. Her daughter is very into the water and I thought her shades were hilarious.

9 months

Last week, Jack had his 9 month birthday. He has now been on the outside as long as he was on the inside. It's been a rough couple of weeks as I finished my chemistry class and then started my first of two new part-time jobs. I was very cranky since my class ended with a cumulative exam covering the entire year of general chem. Jack was also very cranky and I didn't make the connection until I mellowed out these last couple of days and so did he. They certainly are observant. Who knew?

He is now getting confident on all fours and rocks back and forth. He really wants to go forward but he doesn't quite know what to do first. We cheer every time he gets on his hands and knees so he might just be satisfied with that and think he has arrived at the apex of his motor skills. I had heard that parents get so excited about every little developmental step. It's true. It's funny how interesting it is to watch your baby become a little person.. everything seems miraculous.

getting strong now

Jack has mostly been scooting in circles these last few weeks but he just started pushing himself up. He occasionally gets on his knees but never for too long. He has been pretty fussy during this process like he can't believe how hard it is.

Sometimes chemistry makes me feel that way.

Worse living through chemistry

This summer, I am taking my last general chemistry class. It's a ten week class condensed to 8. It is taking a great deal of my time, and I am not doing very well.. as far as I can tell, this will be my worst grade. It's irritating. I have more child care and I work on it when Jack goes to bed and sometimes even when he is awake. In the past, I spent about 25 hours a week on my chemistry homework.. but now I simply do not have that much time. I have to pay attention to Jack; he is my first priority. And I have to work when Ryan is home on the weekends.

I hear a lot of moms who work outside the home talk about this new mediocrity. Before a child, they excelled at everything they did and now their best is not as good only because they don't have as much time as they used to for work. It is hard to make peace with my less-than-good grade especially after I have given the class so much energy.

Here is Jack with Bridget (who sees him more than I do it seems)



Jack and Lily (the other baby Bridget watches)

The benefits of ppd

I was talking to a friend who has a child Jack's age recently about the loss of one's social life after a baby.. or rather .. the change to one's social life. As my friend said, 'it's a new way to be.' She mentioned her husband was fairly blue about it and she asked me how that was for me. I realized that I wasn't really sad about it and I wondered why since that was always an important part of my life.

Here is my theory: one (ridiculous) cure for a migraine is to have someone punch you in the arm for one minute straight. the idea is that you'll be distracted from your migraine then when the punching ends, you'll be grateful and relieved that it's over.. then your migraine doesn't seem so bad. I think having the baby would be the migraine then the post-partum depression is getting punched in the arm. For three months, I was convinced I would never experience joy again. So when it was over, pain from the loss of a vibrant social life didn't seem like much to deal with... not that I recommend it but it does make most other types of emotional discomfort seem .. well.. not that uncomfortable.

I know it's blurry..

but I had to post this one:

Bye Bye Lumpasaurus!

When Jack hit 5 or 6 months or so, people started asking me questions like "is he crawling? or "is he sitting up on his own" or "is he pulling himself up" or "is he flipping over a lot" or "can he do long division?" Well, not that, but my response to all of the questions was a similar kind of exasperation that the long division question might provoke. The answer to all the questions was no, no, no, and finally, no not that either. If there were a string of questions, I would say, no, he's just kind of a little lump, happy to lay there. If he were a drinking man, he'd probably just sip on a margarita. To make light of all that business, Ryan and I began calling him our little lumpasaurus.

But those days are over. Jack is scooting and sitting up, and he spends most of his time on his tummy. He grabs my hands and cries unless I pull him to standing. He sleeps on his side or on his belly usually. In order to resist sleep, he flips over onto his tummy then ends up face planting when he just can't resist any longer. We've had to lower the crib mattress.

Oh the times they are a changin.

Here is Jack thinking about long division:



Me and the little guy:

Mad Skilz

Jack is almost 8 months old, and all of a sudden he is a lot more interested in moving around on his own terms.

He sits up pretty well and he also scoots everywhere on his tummy but only backwards or in circles. He even tried to pull himself up using the chair this little i-have-no-idea-what-that-green-thing-is-called hangs on. He quickly discovered it's hard to lift all of your weight without the use of your legs.



We also went swimming for the first time with our PEPS group at a great outdoor pool. Jack was ok in the kiddie pool but more tentative in the big pool. Other people in our group said their kids started out similarly apprehensive but after a few swims they loved the pool. Hopefully, this will happen to Jack since we have three weeks of swimming lessons coming up in August.

The Creeps

About a month ago, the New Yorker wrote an article about Paul McCartney. The writer spent several days with him. At one point, they were walking down the street in London and someone jumped in front of them asking for a photo and an autograph. McCartney was gracious and later the writer pointed out that the exact same thing probably happened to John Lennon on the day he was shot. The writer said that guy who jumped out at them could have been another Mark David Chapman (the killer) and McCartney replied yeah, but he could have also been jesus.

I appreciate this sentiment.. one can't live in fear and most people who approach you do not have malicious intentions.

With that in mind, I was in Trader Joe's the other day with Jack in the ergo. We were in the checkout line when a man in his late fifties walked by and exclaimed what a beautiful baby and could he see him (I took this as asking permission to approach us). I said sure and he made a funny face at Jack who smiled. Then the guy said, see - he can tell how much I care about him.

In the two seconds that it took for all of my blood to run cold the guy made another face at Jack who just looked away and I simply turned around. It was one of the creepiest moments of my life and it has really been bugging me. I completely froze and fled as soon as my motor neurons got the message from my brain that this person was a freak... and more specifically, dangerous. I wish I had reacted more aggressively.

I don't want to live my life in fear of people like this. They are few and far between. But when you encounter them, you do (to paraphrase anne lamott) want to stand guard outside your house with a shotgun for the entirety of your child's life.

Rituals

Months ago, when Jack was a tiny tike, the nurse practioner who moderated our First Weeks discussions reminded us that we can create rituals even at an early age. People talked about the rituals they remember as kids.. it was very sweet but at the time, I didn't have much energy for it.

Luckily that changed and now we have a couple of rituals we all enjoy. The first is that we always read to Jack before he sleeps. His favorite book is Baby Beluga. Every time I pull out that book, he smiles a big open-mouth smile. The other thing that we do is two days a week Ryan and I take Jack on a walk in the early morning hours just after he has woken up and eaten.. for a while this was 6am now its around 7. We go to one of the many espresso places near our house and then check out the sites. He looks around and inevitably falls asleep by the end of the walk. It's very peaceful, and the short trip always renews our spirits and reminds us how lucky we are.

eating disorder

is it possible to have an eating disorder focused on someone else's eating? You obsess about what the other person is eating and how much... it would also be the opposite of anorexia .. want-your-kid-to-eat-more-exia.

I have this illness. It started when Jack was in the hospital and he HAD to eat a certain amount within a 3 hour period. It was so stressful because he always fell asleep and sometimes the whole ordeal took 3 hours then we just had to start over.

Ever since then he has never eaten what he's supposed to.. maybe its just a big F you to the establishment that force-fed him. My latest theory is that he doesn't like eating from a bottle. He loves solid food and gets really excited to drink from a cup or eat from a spoon. So today, after he only ate a couple of ounces of formula, I poured it into a little bowl and spoon-fed it to him. He loved it and ate/slurped the rest.

He is a little man of mystery.

The Big Ride

Four years ago yesterday, Ryan and I pedaled out of Seattle beginning our journey east across the country. We did the ride with the Lung Association, and it was easily the best summer of my life... spending the whole summer outdoors, on the bike.. meeting new people .. watching the terrain change as we rode .. words can't really capture it. Although at the time, I tried. I am sure blogs were around but I didn't have one. I sent e-mail home from every rest stop describing my adventures (and there were many)

Every year since, we have hosted riders from out of town. This year, two lovely college students -- Ane and Liz -- from minnesota spent the weekend with us. We showed them around, reminisced about our ride and took them to the start this morning. They were really nervous but I was so excited for them.

Ryan and I have vowed to do the ride again but we have to wait until our wee one is much older -- We will be in our fifties (as many of the riders are). Kind of weird to think about..

Anyway, here is a photo of Ane, Liz, and Jack. If you want to live vicariously through them, I have linked to their blogs.

Berry picking

Today Jack and I drove up to Bellingham to meet bridget, her 4 month old nephew and sister-in-law to pick strawberries. It became a lovely day .. we ate lunch downtown, then did the required stop at mallard's ice cream for a scoop of the best ice cream anywhere (and i have eaten a lot of ice cream.. so I know this). Then we headed out to pick berries. My plan was to hold Jack in the ergo as I picked:



But strawberries grow on the ground and Jack was tired so he didn't enjoy hanging out as kneeled on the ground picking the berries. So he ended up supervising from the sidelines:



Archer (his 4 month old counter-part) was much more amenable to being carried around by his mom. We got some cute photos of them after the harvest:





the daily rant: if you ever begrudge a migrant farm worker decent housing or health care I suggest you go out to pick strawberries one day. After about 40 minutes, my back hurt, I was sunburnt and done.. it was fun as a lovely outing at a quaint local farm but not so fun as a way of life.

Happy Father's Day!

Included in the long list of things-I-did-not-know-before-Jack was what kind of father Ryan would be. During my pregnancy I thought (worried) a lot about how things would be once the baby arrived. Ryan did not. I asked him once if he thought much about it, and he said no. He reported not feeling particularly excited. I thought this might forecast problems. However, luckily for all involved, this has not been the case at all. Ryan and Jack are crazy about each other. It's a beautiful thing.



This weekend was also notable because we spent our first night away from our wee one. Our dear friends courageously accepted the challenge to babysit for almost 24 hours -- this includes waking up at 5:30am on a Sunday.. something baby civilians do not normally do. I hadn't thought much about leaving until about 5 minutes before I had to do it. Then I was sad and tried to convince my friends to come to Leavenworth with us (we went to a wedding). They declined .. and in the end, all was well. Our friends have a dog who Jack loves and he was completely unaffected by our absence. Every time ryan and I do something on our own, I am reminded how important it is for parents to get away. Happy parents = happy baby. It's such a simple equation but for some reason requires great momentum so a more accurate equation is energy + happy parents = happy baby.

Our pals with Jack



Us right before leaving (I was fretting that I had not written our will yet -- something I have been meaning to do in case - knock on all products resembling wood - something were to happen to us.. yes, I think hypervigilance about all possible scenarios of tragedy is either related to estrogen or some strange gene only expressed when there are two x's):



and on a complely unrelated note, Jack as the commander of the exer-saucer

will jack love science

I love science. I am currently taking immunology and it is damn fascinating. While I will grieve my entire life about not breastfeeding Jack, my class has made me feel better about it. Our immune systems have back-ups for back-ups and immunity is something you are always building. Women secrete one type of antibody and then other more general immune cells through breastmilk but the antibody is only one of 5 that we make.. and we also make our own general immune cells. I have no doubt it's better to breastfeed but Jack can still have a kick-ass immune system without it.
As I study, I feel a little regret that I wasn't introduced to the greatness of science at a younger age; and now that I have a child I think, I will show him how cool science is and then he will love it and become the scientist I won't ever be. This is a slippery slope. Jack may hate math and think the laws of thermodynamics are boooorrrriiinnggg. Then will I be disappointed? I hope not. I hope I can be the kind of parent who gets to know him and loves him as he is.. even if he hates math and is a republican.. although the republican part would be a serious challenge.