Mom's Pity Party

This is a blog about my experience as a parent. I realize that there is a point where I probably can't make my feelings public. Maybe I am already there. Perhaps I will password protect the blog so my kids and their community will never read it. I don't think this blog is any of their business yet it's public and really no one's business except my own. They might argue that I am talking about their lives so its content belongs to them. I don't know the answer to all that yet.

Today, we received a diagnosis. They are common these days so it might not sound like a big deal but it feels like a big deal. I feel sad. I feel like I finally have a label for all this difficulty and churn and it feels heavy. If I told you about it in more detail you would say 'oh I know lots of people with that who live productive lives' or 'it could be worse' or 'you are lucky that ... fill in the blank with all the ways I am lucky' All of these things are true.

But here is what is also true: my kid has to deal with more hardship than his typical peers. He is harder to parent than a typical child. So for a moment or maybe a few hours, I just want to feel sorry for myself. It sucks.