Mom's Pity Party

This is a blog about my experience as a parent. I realize that there is a point where I probably can't make my feelings public. Maybe I am already there. Perhaps I will password protect the blog so my kids and their community will never read it. I don't think this blog is any of their business yet it's public and really no one's business except my own. They might argue that I am talking about their lives so its content belongs to them. I don't know the answer to all that yet.

Today, we received a diagnosis. They are common these days so it might not sound like a big deal but it feels like a big deal. I feel sad. I feel like I finally have a label for all this difficulty and churn and it feels heavy. If I told you about it in more detail you would say 'oh I know lots of people with that who live productive lives' or 'it could be worse' or 'you are lucky that ... fill in the blank with all the ways I am lucky' All of these things are true.

But here is what is also true: my kid has to deal with more hardship than his typical peers. He is harder to parent than a typical child. So for a moment or maybe a few hours, I just want to feel sorry for myself. It sucks.

Goodbye for Now, Terry

My Dad's wife passed away in November. Her family had put her in a nursing home 2 years ago. She quickly progressed through more severe stages of dementia. We were never close to her children but felt fortunate they called my brother to tell us about her death. Her family had decided they would not hold a service for Terry but my siblings and I needed to mark the occasion and somehow, say goodbye. We invited my dad and Terry's friends to a brunch near their home. Their friends are all in their 80's and even one woman who is 90.

We reminisced, laughed, cried and chatted about other things as well: the legalization of marijuana for example. One of my dad's friends and fellow right winger ranted. He said he loved talking politics with my dad and I could understand why -- they were of the same rush limbaugh-influenced mind.

My dad's best friend mentioned he has lost both of his best friends. They are gone now, and he feels alone without them. It's hard to look forward to that time of life. I felt the group was fairly subdued. I imagine they are tired of such memorials. Loss, loss and more loss. It's hard.

Post-memorial. Hermanos gather.

It's the most miserable time of the year!

December is always hard. It rained a lot and that didn't help. I think the anticipation of the Christmas acquisition event is too much for the kids to bear. Jack was especially cranky and angry. Sonia whined a lot.  Ryan had quite a few days off, and we, sadly, spent a few just hanging around the house with no other idea of what to do, I guess. Every time the kids would start fighting or complaining (almost every 5 minutes it seemed), Ryan and I would start singing, "it's the most miserable time of the year!" It made Sonia laugh and Jack generally got angrier. I told Ryan I would like to go to Israel some December since it's not a holiday there.

We had some friends over for dessert and drinks on Christmas afternoon. The kids watched Star Wars on a projector we borrowed. That was fun.