Crazy Train

I will admit that, these days, I am slightly mentally ill. However, I am comforted by something I heard a buddhist monk say .. he said that before he was a monk, he worked in a mental institution and after 5 years at the job he decided the only difference between him and the patients was that he had the keys. Now, I have seen a lot of truly mentally ill people in the ER and there is actually a big difference between them and the people who enjoy the standard definition of mental health. These people live in a reality that no one else shares .. no one. I can get at least a few people to agree that i am not jesus .. and that no one is poisoning my food, etc. The other thing that comforts me is that it is well known that sleep deprivation causes a host of unpleasantries such as general confusion, pale skin tone ( i definitely have that), decreased mental activity and psychosis.

So yesterday I was talking to Bridget (who helps me take care of Jack so I can finish my freakin chemistry class) about how it seems Jack doesn't eat enough and that it seems like he is going to be a small person based on this fact... but that I had been thinking about all the small men I know who have really great lives -- they are married, successful and have children and friends and everything so it's probably fine that Jack doesn't eat a lot ... and bridget started laughing and laughing. I had a glimmer of how loco I have become .. that I am living in an odd reality that no one else shares. I am confident that once I start sleeping, I'll be less delusional. I hope anyway..