Pink eye for the little guy

Last weekend we noticed Jack had mucus coming out of his eyes. I had never seen someone with pink eye before but I was pretty sure that was it. It's pretty gross. Compared to everything else he had had this past month, it was no big deal. I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine going through medical school had a professor who explained various illnesses and medical problems using his own kids as examples. My friend commented that between 4 kids most common childhood illnesses and accidents were represented. I thought that family must have had bad luck but now I see how that could be a totally normal experience with 4 kids.. which is why I will never have 4.. that sounds like total insanity to me... in fact, 2 sounds like total insanity.

Since being sick, Jack has not wanted to sleep in his own bed. It's been very rare that he doesn't just go right to sleep but for the past few weeks he has really put up a fight most nights. I rocked him to sleep the other night but as soon as I put him down in his crib, he started crying. When I picked him up, he fell back to sleep but when I started to lay him down in our bed he opened his eye as if to make sure he was in the right place. Sure enough, he slept really well in our bed.

Luckily these past few nights, he has gone back to his normal sleeping pattern.

Now that I have just re-read all this, I feel like this is a perfect example of a story that would have bored me immensely 2 years ago. However, now it's so interesting to me that I feel like I need to record it. Maybe Jack will enjoy it later? Here he is digging story time:

Summer time!

A few weekends before ER weekend was memorial day and the weather was amazing. We went to lots of local parks to celebrate. This is one of our favorites because of the cool water feature.




Current J monkey health update: all is well. I thank the universe for my health insurance, the world class children's hospital a few miles from my home, and my pals who brought pizza over, kept us company, and made our chaotic weekend seem ok.

The ER

Since working in an ER, I have often said that I would never go to an ER (or take my child to one) unless we were so sick we had to be taken by medics. I would formally like to retract every "never" statement I have ever made as I clearly made those statements when I had no children.

Jack has had a rough few weeks. He got an ear infection in Arizona.. where I unfortunately went to the urgent care that exemplified our stratified health care system.. this place being on the bad side. Then Jack got his mmr/varicella shots last week and I thought he was having a reaction to the shot last week because he was incredibly miserable. Then Friday he started vomiting and today he could barely open his eyes because he was so dehydrated. So we spent the morning at a posh ER (exemplifying the finest $$ can buy) where we got medicine that will hopefully help us keep him hydrated.

I have become very accustomed to sleepless nights and not having the social life or freedom I used to have. Those aspects of having a child don't bother me at all anymore. However, when Jack is sick I am very troubled by how little control I have. I become panicked and very sad when he is suffering. I don't know how to deal with it gracefully yet.

Evolution

Jack has now been walking for about a month. His new ability to travel on two feet also seems to have brought about other changes in his development and personality. He talks a lot and he ads a new word or two to his vocabulary almost daily.




He prefers to eat with a spoon and fork and drinking from a regular cup.





He now loves the swing whereas before he was just luke-warm about swinging.



He is also showing a lot more affection .. giving us hugs and kisses and snuggling with his stuffed animal.



He likes driving the golf cart with grandpa. We recently visited arizona.



He also loves being naked in the warm sun but who doesn't like that?

The Sum of all Fears

Recently, I started attending a great parent-child class at my local community college. I bring Jack and we play with other kids his age in a room filled with toddler activities. Then we break up into two groups and parents from one group meet with a teacher who leads discussions on all kinds of subjects regarding raising a child. One recent topic was temperment. I learned that temperment is different from personality. You are born with your temperment and your personality arises from and is influenced by it. While reflecting, the only thing that is obvious to me at this point is that Jack is pretty mellow. He doesn't seem easily fazed. He likes to explore rather than play with toys (these are both reflections of the mellow temperment to me).

However, there is something about Jack that has mystified me and bridget. Jack is deathly afraid of all balls larger than a tennis ball (including a tennis ball). He becomes completely undone in their presence. We have been watching and reading some of Alfie Kohn's work (love it and highly recommend it). He talks about looking at the world from your child's perspective. Bridget mentioned she has tried to explore what could be so terrifying about a ball. Neither of us can figure it out.

"Nightmare on Jack's Street"

My talented friends

Many years ago, one of my very talented friends went to a top-tier law school then, in order to fulfill her ROTC commitment, she joined the army to be in the JAG corps. She met a guy there who was equally talented and ambitious and they got married. Then he joined the secret service. Our college group of friends all thought this was quite cool even if we would never take a bullet for the people he was trained to take bullets for.. A couple of us went to visit DC and we wanted a tour of the secret service building but for some reason that didn't work out, and we ended up with T-shirts. The shirts had the secret service logo and they were nice but not so flattering on me. A month of so ago, I wondered what I should do with the shirt because I didn't want to throw it out but I never wore it.

Then I remembered another talented friend of mine turns adult clothing into cute children's clothing. She agreed to turn my secret service tee into something for Jack. I have been having a more difficult time getting Jack to sit still for pictures so these are the best I have so far. You can see the logo on the second photo on his right arm.

the jackie man walks

Jack is an active little guy -- he climbs, jumps, dances, and moves almost constantly. The one thing he hasn't been doing .. the big developmental milestone it seems everyone is obsessed with .. the one verb that has not followed the subject Jack is walk. No walking. Jack has not been into walking. Yes, at 17 months, he had only taken a few steps and he preferred to crawl. The rational side of me really didn't care. He seemed healthy to me. If I didn't know any other babies I wouldn't know he was behind. But I interact with other parents that I don't know frequently -- mainly on playgrounds or other kid-centered venues. The first question everyone asks me or any parent is 'how old is he?' I never thought much about this seemingly benign question until I started to feel like it was part of an assessment of my child. 'Oh, my sister's son didn't walk until 18 months' or some version of that was the response to my response to the age question. So the not very rational side of me started to get irritated, defensive, and not very rational.

I made peace with this as (coincidentally) Jack has started to show more interest and confidence in walking. I have to remind myself almost constantly that Jack will be who he is regardless of other people's (or my) expectations so it is a waste of time to worry if he is "normal" when he is always just going to be "Jack." I keep learning this lesson over and over again.. not sure when I will finally get it. Hopefully, soon. Imagine how popular I am on the playground when a nice mom asks me how old my son is and I respond 'Why?'

Not very.

Here is the banana doing his little baby strut...

First Haircut

Jack's hair had become rather large. He was forming dreadlocks in the back so we decided it was time for the first haircut. I was very nervous because Jack doesn't sit still much. We went to a children's hair salon in madison park (not joking). I knew they would know how to deal with kids and all went well. They put Jack in a cute little car with lots of toys. We gave him his pacifier and he just chilled out. The whole thing took about 10 minutes and he left with a snazzy little do.

Playtime

If I need a little time to do something, the best place for Jack is our kitchen and laundry room. He doesn't need any toys. If the washing machine is going, he watches it like a TV. If the dishwasher is open, he tries to unload it (usually knives first) and uses it as a jungle gym. I know I will figure out the dishwasher thing is a bad idea when it collapses with him on it.

Jack and Lily

Bridget has been on vacation for the last two weeks so Lily's mom and I cobbled together some childcare. My neighbor's bbsitter, my aunt, and Lily's mom Sarah watched Jack. I took Lily for two afternoons. Jack had not seen lily for a week when she came over but they were so happy to see each other. I had not realized how much the two have become pals. It's *almost* easier to watch the two of them together because they play together. They make each other laugh... they will even feed each other which is hilarious and very sweet. After watching them I realized Lily is Jack's first friend. It's extremely cute.

Chest compressions

Long ago, it was proven that experience cannot be passed through our genetic code. It seems obvious now. My dad flew fighter planes but I cannot fly at all. I speak Spanish. Jack does not. However, there was a time when some people believed this theory.. this video may be proof for them. I have been trained as an EMT. I have done chest compressions. Here is jack doing chest compressions... he even checks for a pulse. Although I will need to explain to him that it is not appropriate to laugh..

That frog

I haven't been posting much lately because all of my posts are beginning to sound the same. We are sick. We are laying low. It is not that fun. Jack got sick again last weekend. He was awake from midnight Saturday night to 9pm Sunday night and he was not happy during that time. At one point, in fact, he looked up at me and just screamed .. twice. Turned out he had two ear infections and a throat infection. I am very grateful for the children's hospital after hours clinic.
In spite of all the sickness, Jack is changing a lot. He has started to include books into his solo playtime. He turns the pages and babbles as if he is reading. He knows what the cow says.. moo! He definitely understands a lot of what we say. Tonight ryan and I were talking about how Jack gives us hugs and kisses, and he looked up at us and blew us a kiss (bridget taught him that trick). Sadly, it seems we can get none of this on camera. He is like that frog from the warner bros cartoons. When the camera is off, he is so entertaining. Then we turn the camera on and he won't do anything. I suppose he may think he is not my show pony.
I have also made some changes in my life. I became tired of having to call in sick so much at work. There isn't anyone to replace me where I work so it is upsetting to people when I am not there. I decided to leave my job and found a very flexible job that allows me to work from home as much as I want. It's a tech job that uses my old skills. I'll do it for a year while I apply to graduate school. A friend of mine said to me recently: your work needs to fit into your life not the other way around. That helped me reframe my priorities.

The latest

I think I am finally well from being sick for about 3 weeks. In my last post I thought I was on the mend but then I got worse and then worse. I felt the full impact of that annoying phrase 'the buck stops here.' The sick parent thing is a disaster. Ryan took some time off work but he has a new job so he had to return. I was unable to get out of bed and there was simply no one who could help. We live in a busy culture. Everyone is busy.. including me on days I am not nearly dying... so I understand why people can't drop everything to help me care for my child. Luckily for me, when I woke up in the morning I could function enough to get out of bed and care for Jack.

We have been laying pretty low since but on Friday, Bridget and I went to the Museum of Flight. It's great. Jack is more interested in climbing things and motoring around than he was in the exhibits. Lily is really into planes and was always pointing and saying "plane."

We found a great kids book in the bookstore called "Goodnight Seattle" .. a cross between Goodnight Moon and a tour of Seattle. I highly recommend it.

50 Viruses

Jack is sick again but this time, we all got it. Ryan and I got the flu and Jack (since he was partially flu-vaccinated) got a flu-ette. He also got an ear infection and now he is vomiting anything containing lactose. I don't recall the last time I was as sick as I got this weekend. Luckily Ryan got sick a few days before I did so we could kind of cover for each other during our worst patches. On Saturday, we took Jack to the Children's Hospital after hours clinic (a great alternative to an ER) because I suspected Jack had an ear infection (my clue was 2 hours of crying the night before). When I mentioned how much Jack had been sick lately she said that between birth and the end of kindergarten kids get an average of 50 viruses. That would mean getting something every six weeks, on average.

I remember Ann Keppler saying that when you have a small child you are just surviving and certainly during months like this I can see what she means. While it is hard to find the joy in the vomit, having a sick baby forces both of us to really slow down. Today, Ryan and I sat on our porch steps in the sun with Jack. We all just sat there. We never do that. So occasionally we do have some really nice moments.

For some light entertainment, I watched a video my friend sent of a toddler belting out "hey jude." It is damn funny.

Here is the banana in a not so happy place

Just call me Lovey

I have heard people say that once you have kids, you become more conservative.. like you morph into a republican when you walk out of the hospital holding your new bundle of joy. This has not happened to me, and it's hard to imagine under what circumstances it would.. maybe if I got amnesia then had a lobotomy.

But I have noticed that I have become conservative in other ways. Jack and I went to Arizona last weekend to visit my mom and the sun. It was a lovely vacay and Jack is a great traveller. On Saturday night, my mom watched him while I went to the roller derby with some friends from high school. It was a lot of fun except for one small part. The roller derby was in west phoenix.. west phoenix makes south seattle look like beverly hills. I am from west phoenix so I know it well. And the general scene around the derby brought back more of those high school memories. I used to have to take the city bus home from my high school which was 25 miles east of my home. I went to an all-girls catholic school and I sometime forgot clothes to change into so I had to wear my uniform on the bus.. and the bus picked up lots of high school kids from the public schools of west phoenix. My uniform was a plaid pleated skirt and theirs was mostly whatever was worn in the latest Winger video. Let's just say I don't recall us ever really getting along. And now those people have grown up and on Saturday nights they take their grandchildren to the roller derby.

As I drove home, I thought that I would make sure Jack never had experiences like that. I want to shelter him from the west phoenix people. Then I realized how snotty that sounded but unfortunately, the feeling is genuine and not fleeting. Hmmm.

Here we are at (where else?) the country club:

Healed!

Thankfully, Jack is now feeling better. He had the stomach virus for 9! days. It caused a lot of suffering .. Jack gave it to Ryan, Laurie, Bridget and Lily. Lily gave it to her mother and grandmother. Now things are great.. in that way that happens after you think you might have some fatal disease and it turns out to be nothing. Life is just a little brighter.

These days, Jack has learned to point to his nose when you ask him where it is. He claps a lot but I can't exactly figure out what he is trying to communicate when he does it because he does it very randomly. He is also very into showing you how big he is with his arms (so big!). We also just learned we have a place at a daycare in July (Bridget will be leaving us within the next few months). I feel pretty mixed about the daycare thing .. but it will only be three days a week and it could be fun for Jack.

This is Jack playing with his favorite toy: the recycling.

Sickie

For the last 7 days, jack has been sick. It started out as a virus. We know this because 2 days after Jack got sick, Ryan was sick and then our poor friend Laurie who was nice enough to bring us lunch one day, got sick. It was a horrible stomach bug that passed through the adults in 24 hours.. but not Jack. He threw up for three straight days and a little more erratically for the last four. I have talked to doctors who keep saying its a virus but at this point that is hard to believe. After a year of being harassed by the medical establishment about Jack's low weight, now they don't care that he is losing weight.. a little more than 10% so far.

I am trying hard to be optimistic and believe that he will be ok soon. But a very bizarre kind of fear grips me when something is not right with Jack. It's hard to overcome with a cheery attitude. Fortunately for me, this fear seems to grip most moms. I have talked to a few mom friends who were all very concerned and freaked out on my behalf. I found that oddly comforting.

No pics today since Jack has been so sad. Hopefully the next post features happy and eating jack with happy mom.

Happy New Year

Ryan, Jack and I went to Arizona to celebrate Christmas. It was a lovely visit. We spent time with family and friends in the sun. The sun was out EVERY DAY! Love that. Jack was almost literally showered with gifts. We are so grateful for all of the things that people have been inspired by their love for Jack to buy. Except for this:



I love my dad but somewhere someone is probably using that song as a method of torture. On that note (ha!), I have to mention the story of stuff. The singing dog/reindeer thing is the epitome of why I wish we all lived by this philosophy.

On Friday, Ryan and I visited Sedona while my mom watched Jack. If you can ignore all of the crazy identical faux-adobe development, Sedona is still amazing.





My mom and Jack:



Lastly, I had to include pics of my bro's new mustache. Just because I love my bro!

Lessons from Microbiology

A few weeks before my micro class ended, the prof and I were chatting at the end of a lab when I was the last person to finish. She often mentioned her kids during lectures using their various childhood illnesses as examples. In spite of all the information she made us memorize, I will always remember this conversation before any of that. Her kids are now in their early to mid-twenties and she told me what they were up to. She also mentioned they still lived in the area and the family had dinner together every Sunday. I commented how cool that was that they were still close. She said that when her children were in their pre-teen years, she and her husband realized they would have a relationship with them as adults longer than they would as children and they adjusted their parenting style accordingly. I had never thought of parenting in that way before. As of this summer, I will have lived away from my parents as long as I lived with them.

This conversation sort of haunted me throughout my arizona visit. For some strange reason, I felt like I was re-living my childhood the whole time and by childhood, I mean my teen years. They are the only years I remember well. They were so hard on everyone and they definitely left scars. Now I see all this as a parent. How sad that I can only remember those years. I think of the way things are with Jack now and I want him to remember this time too. We have such sweet moments that you just don't have with a teenager..

(us on the airplane)


All of this introspection led me to three conclusions: 1. I love having a *baby*! 2. I have lots of time before I need to worry about all this 3. because all I have is the present (all crisis of my life lead me to this anyway)

Best places for Seattle kids

One of my very dear friends from high school visited recently. I realized how dull my life has become... very. But I also realized I am not in the loop for great places to hang out with kids. The old hang outs (restaurants, coffee shops, bars) don't work anymore. So my friend Katie and I took Jack to the Seattle Public Library. They have a great children's section that Jack really liked and Katie and I could chat while we followed him around. We also hit the Children's museum with my PEPS group as we celebrated all the 1 year birthdays in our group. The energy at the museum was fairly crazy for a baby civilian but we had great conversations with the parents in my group who have mastered the art of splitting their attention.

These are pictures of Jack at the library: