Puppies and bunnies and parenting

When I first became a parent, I felt I was surrounded by images, stories, myths and general social pressure about how great parenting was supposed to be. Everyone was desperately in love with their children. Stepford wives abounded. I felt it was my job to be honest and expose the lie for what it was! I was a pioneer.. the first to admit that parenting is hard, and I did not like it. I became comfortable being negative about it even though it always felt rebellious.
Things have shifted for me quite a bit. Losing almost everything (thankfully temporarily) last spring has given me a very different perspective. I feel such immense gratitude for my life (even started a blog with that theme to be published soon) and even greater gratitude (immenser? immensest?) that I get to spend every day with my kids. Now I see I am decidedly less comfortable describing how much I am enjoying our time together. I find incessantly upbeat people rather dull. But now I notice all of the people, articles, blogs, books that articulate that negative side. For some reason, I never really noticed how much complaining there already is about parenting. Turns out I was not much of a pioneer. I think the point is that I have always felt compelled to be honest about this enormous topic. The funny thing is is that nothing about my life has changed.. only my perspective is different.

I love this picture of two of my favorite gals:

The Space Needle

Today, the kids and I went on an adventure to the Space Needle. J fell in love with the space needle the first time he saw it many years ago. Before he could form words well, he called the space needle the 'ga-doh.' His passion has never waned. We read books on it, watch videos about it, and we have a membership so we can go as much as we want.

Today, the three of us took the bus downtown, then went on the monorail (another love of J's), wandered around the fogged-in space needle for half an hour, then took the bus home. Fun was had by all. J even loves the bus. He was thrilled to show the driver our pass. He looks so proud when he does it. The enthusiasm of children is contagious. It is one of their most precious gifts to the world. How often are you thrilled to take the bus? It's like an amusement park ride for my kids.

Happy Birthday to me

I am simply elated to be 39. During the spring, I wondered if I would get here so I am very pleased that I made it. We had a wonderful weekend. My sister visited and we spent a day at my mom's. Then on my actual birthday we headed to the home of dear friends for a delicious dinner. While I brought my camera, I had such a good time I forgot to take pictures. Per usual really.

Ryan, Jack, my mom and Bert went out on the boat during the afternoon to get crab from their crabpot. Here we are cracking the crab and eating it while sitting in the sun. Lovely!

Sonia is still asking 'where's aunt katie?'

Sonia and my mom's glass table. For some reason, she is always compelled to put her nose and tongue on glass.

Every bday, I take a family picture. One year ago today, we were moving into our rental to begin our 8 month remodel project which is now on its 13th month. This past year brought so many unexpected surprises. It's clear that the only certainty is uncertainty.

Welcome Grandparents!

My mom and stepfather arrived in town a few weeks ago. We have made a couple of visits to the Olympic Peninsula to enjoy their company and hospitality.

We like to go to the park:

:

Go out on the boat to get crab from the crabpots:

Hang out on the deck in the sun:

Hang out inside their nice big house

Happy Summer

We are starting to enjoy the lovely summer weather. We had a very busy 4th of July weekend -- a visit with the grandparents, a visit to the vacation home of friends outside of Cle Elum, then a trip to Bainbridge Island to see the parade and take part in the festivities there.

As usual, I didn't bring my camera to any of these events. Luckily I have a phone that can occasionally take mediocre pictures. We went to Bainbridge with our neighbors who are Jack's favorite people in the world. They both got their faces painted but Jack declined.

Jack riding a pony. He really wanted to do this so I paid 6$!! to participate in what seems like a very sad activity that for some reason children love. When it was Jack's turn, he insisted he did not want to go but I told him it was too late because I had already paid. He went, reluctantly.

He loved the park and played with kids of all ages. Here they are on the tire swing.

In June, we took an all-school trip to Carkeek park to celebrate the end of the year. Jack loved the trains that ran right next to the park.

Our lovely, but sadly, temporary, nanny Sarah took Jack and Sonia to the zoo to see the dinosaurs during the weeks when June turned to February.

All is going much, much better since I withdrew from school. I feel great. I am happy to be with the kids, and feel very clear that it's what I want to do right now. School will have to wait.

Setback

At the beginning of March, I started PA school. I knew it would be challenging but I thought I was prepared. Two weeks into school, I started having trouble sleeping.. something that's never happened to me before. Then two weeks later, I went to bed one night and didn't sleep at all. I had no idea what was going on. Then I didn't sleep the following night. For the next 6 weeks I slept only 3-4 hours a night at best and basically, I slowly went crazy from sleep deprivation. I had to withdraw from school as I could not keep up with the workload. Finally, I found a great doctor and got the help I needed.

Those 6 weeks were easily the worst of my life. I never expected such a thing to happen to me. Everyone around me was shocked.. especially me.

In retrospect, I suppose that attempting to go to a graduate program that requires 70-80 hours a week of work while having 2 small kids was possibly unwise. As one nurse put it 'now you know you have limits.' The funny things about it is that I honestly didn't know that. I thought I could do anything. Don't people go to medical school with small kids? There was only one woman in the PA program with kids my age -- and she was already a doctor (from India) whose mother lived with her and her husband.

Now I am re-evaluating everything. Everything. I'd like to find a career in the health care field. I want to work. But I have to find a program that fits into my life. I have to be able to breathe while in school. I have to have some flexibility to care for my kids and spend time with Ryan. I have to be able to care for myself as well.. something I have definitely not been doing much of these last 4.5 years.

So, for the next year, I'll be home figuring out my next step.. taking care of the kids.. finishing the house remodel... and recovering from a really awful experience with insomnia. Now that I have my health again I realize it is the only thing that matters. Truly.

Pre-PA school. Lily visited us:

During PA school. Kids not happy

During PA school. I took the kids to my moms. They had a blast.

Post-withdrawal from school. I finally started sleeping and we are all happier. I lost 10 pounds during the 6 weeks I didn't sleep but I have gained it all back and more! I have never been so happy about weight gain.

Your successful preschooler

There is a book titled 'Your Successful Preschooler.' Here is the link: http://lp.wileypub.com/YourSuccessfullPrescooler/

It promises instruction on how to mold your child to be .. successful.

I think publicists all over the world noticed the success of Amy Chua's memoir and will be certain to follow the example of her brilliant publicist. Making people feel insecure will help sell any product. Anyone who has seen any advertisement knows this. The make-up industry is amazing at the 'you are not good enough message' just to name one. I still find this idea exhausting when it is aimed at me. I fall for it every time. I read the tiger mom book. It's not really as advertised. It's light and funny. The author was humbled by her parenting mistakes and I feel that she is lucky she had girls. Part of her epiphany about her parenting style came from her parents who felt her parenting style was not working with her younger daughter. They reminded Chua that her father hated his parents for treating him that way. She writes he was relieved when they died.

Where are the books titled "How to make sure your children aren't relieved when you die?" or "How to get your kids to want to spend time with you when they are adults"? I am in this for the relationship. But I struggle mightily (obviously) with these parental pressures. I hate the word "playdate" but I organize them. I think it's ridiculous that people think there is a relationship between Jack being able to identify the alphabet or correctly use scissors and his intelligence WHEN HE IS 4. Yet, I taught him how to identify the alphabet and how to use scissors just so people will leave me alone about that. I am not good at being counter-cultural. ANd I don't want Jack to suffer.

This is a self-portrait Jack took when he figured out how to launch the photo-booth feature on my computer:

Birthday Parties

Now that we are at the fun preschool, we go to birthday parties all the time. There seems to be an unwritten rule that all kids in the class are invited. I think that's nice but also exhausting for everyone. Jack loves these parties.. the toys, the cake, the games, the gifts. He now has the idea that when it's someone else's birthday, he also gets a gift. The parents of these kids are so organized they give gift bags away at the end of the party. One mom had made sandwiches for the kids to eat on the way home. THese are A list stay-at-home moms. I am on the C list for sure. I am trying to be a better SAHM. I volunteered to make sugar cookies for the valentine's day party. Of course, I have never made sugar cookies before. 10pm the night before half of the cookies broke because they were stuck to the cookie sheet. I had to wake up at 6 am the next day to make another batch. I learned how to make the cookies though.


End of a party:



The dinosaur cake:



Early morning sugar cookies:

The other day Jack asked me 'How do they steer the space shuttle? Does it have a steering wheel?' We learned the shuttle does not have a steering wheel .. as steering in space is impossible. We learn a lot from the random questions Jack asks about airplanes, space shuttles, and lately, domes. As in the dome on top of the cathedral in Florence and the Holy Names Academy. After the space-shuttle-steering question, Ryan was annoyed. He said, 'see? Jack isn't dumb.' This is a reference to the student teacher conference we had in November. That conversation still comes up and even though Ryan wasn't as affected by it as I was, it still bugs him. On good days I have sympathy for the woman who had the conversation with us. She believed Jack was suffering developmental delays and felt we needed to be made aware of that fact. I wonder why she thought we would not notice something so dramatic. Her follow up email to us seemed to indicate she thought he was autistic. Only time will tell who Jack will become but I am embittered by the fact that in our age of specialization the definition of a normal child has become more narrow. I imagine in the old days children with undiagnosed disabilities suffered for lack of help and special education. But now, it seems every other kid has a diagnosis. The new normal I suppose.

Jack, like many adults, is fascinated by all things technological (our phones and camera especially). He started taking his own pictures. I didn't realize until I uploaded them that he had taken 210 photos in one session. Yay for digital. From Jack:









Lately, we are just hanging out.. taking it easy. After many, many years of preparation 2 events are starting in the next two weeks: our house remodel and my graduate school. Grad school makes the house remodel look like a hawaiian vacation. It will certainly be a difficult 2.5 years.. but I think we'll be ok. I am getting as organized as I can. We'll just do our best. Some hanging out pictures:



J imitating dad:







Making cookies with heather:

The Instigator and the Aggravated

Since Sonia has been mobile, Jack seems to see her as a nuisance. It used to be that if she had a toy, he would take it from her and there wasn't much she could do about it. She didn't seem to care. Now if Jack is playing with something, Sonia will take it. Always. Then she runs away. Jack tries to fight with her for the thing but she hangs on. If he is successful, she is relentless, she will try to take it again. Usually in the struggle Jack hits her. He doesn't usually hit her hard and in the past, she didn't seem to notice. Now if he does anything she finds aggressive, she screams very loudly. I would say that Sonia seems to have a strong personality .. but one could make the argument that all of this behavior is just learned. Maybe Jack would have been exactly the same with an older sibling?

Needless to say, they don't get along right now. I am hopeful that one day they'll get along. I don't intervene that much in their conflicts. I know that soon Sonia is going to start hitting back and then I'll have bigger problems to solve.

Speaking of problems solved, Jack really digs his new school. I like it too. He seems to fit right in. The teachers are nice and the classroom is very laid-back. No strange montessori rules. They also do fun things like build Christmas trees out of green frosting and ice cream cones and decorate them with gum drops. They also mention the words Christmas, Hanukah and even Halloween and Valentine's day (all taboo in our montessori school). No one has strange food allergies so I can pack anything I want to for Jack's lunch. All very exciting. Every allergy was represented at the other place. Seems to be working out well. I feel fortunate that I was able to change schools mid-year.

Lastly, Sonia has developed a new love for reading. We always read to Jack but Sonia hasn't seemed that interested. Now (maybe because she is fighting to be the focus of attention) she picks out a book, brings it to one of us, and (if we are seated) she will hand us the book then turn around and back up into our lap. It's really cute. If she tries to hand you a book and you tell her you can't read it, she gets VERY upset. She screams and sometimes she bangs her head on the floor in case you weren't sure which emotion she was feeling.

I try not to compare them but it's hard not to notice how different they are. Jack was mellow. Sonia is not.

Example of Sonia wanting to be where Jack is .. after we took this picture, she sat on the book Ryan was reading.




Jack enjoying a hot chocolate at the coffee shop with mom

Family photos

We had professional pictures taken this year. We had them done two years ago, and I imagine this will be our last opportunity for at least another two years. We used a white backdrop and I've learned I really prefer a natural setting. Must remember that next time...

Here comes Santa Claus

This is the first year that Jack gets the Christmas idea. I haven't introduced the religious part (sorry mom) but I have started to explain the Santa idea. Understandably, Jack finds it a little suspicious. He comes into our house? He lives at the North Pole but he is also at the U Village? Other people have to fly to the North Pole but he takes a sleigh? Why do we leave him cookies? He is not questioning the leaving presents part. I don't remember questioning any of it. I just thought 'cool. presents.'

We visited the Fairmont last week where they had lots of Christmas trees and a suite decorated with teddy bears, presents and candy canes, and this week, we attended the Reindeer Festival at the Cougar mountain zoo.






Jack wasn't really into the reindeer noting that they smelled bad. He did like the sleigh.