You made me play second base!*

This whole thing with Jack's preschool has been enormously stressful. I have thought of almost nothing else. I wonder why I chose a montessori program when now it seems so obvious that it wasn't going to work for him.. or me. I am looking at another school but wonder if it's wise to change schools in the middle of the year. I think a lot about kindergarten (yes, it's two years away). I think I probably need to send Jack to private school (20K a year) because our public school has 27 kids in the kindergarten. Will that be too much? Will he learn anything? Will he just drift though our sad public school system.. unmotivated.. uninspired... lost. Or go to private school with the ultra-privileged only to become an insufferable, ungrateful ass who votes republican and doesn't take care of his impoverished parents?

In parenting, do small decisions matter? or big ones? do all the decisions matter? none? some? I don't know. I'll never know. I am writing this post to remind my future self that I thought a great deal about every decision I have made for Jack. However it turns out, I am doing the best I can... it's just that when it's your first kid your best feels like a stab in the dark.



Also, it snowed.




*only my brother and sister will get the title joke. it's from the movie parenthood -- steve martin's character makes his son play second base -- he then has two fantasies about how the decision will affect his son's future-- his son either graduates from harvard or goes on a shooting spree and while shooting yells to his dad "you made me play second base!"