You made me play second base!*

This whole thing with Jack's preschool has been enormously stressful. I have thought of almost nothing else. I wonder why I chose a montessori program when now it seems so obvious that it wasn't going to work for him.. or me. I am looking at another school but wonder if it's wise to change schools in the middle of the year. I think a lot about kindergarten (yes, it's two years away). I think I probably need to send Jack to private school (20K a year) because our public school has 27 kids in the kindergarten. Will that be too much? Will he learn anything? Will he just drift though our sad public school system.. unmotivated.. uninspired... lost. Or go to private school with the ultra-privileged only to become an insufferable, ungrateful ass who votes republican and doesn't take care of his impoverished parents?

In parenting, do small decisions matter? or big ones? do all the decisions matter? none? some? I don't know. I'll never know. I am writing this post to remind my future self that I thought a great deal about every decision I have made for Jack. However it turns out, I am doing the best I can... it's just that when it's your first kid your best feels like a stab in the dark.



Also, it snowed.




*only my brother and sister will get the title joke. it's from the movie parenthood -- steve martin's character makes his son play second base -- he then has two fantasies about how the decision will affect his son's future-- his son either graduates from harvard or goes on a shooting spree and while shooting yells to his dad "you made me play second base!"

From the fall

It seems like winter now so I thought I should post some pictures of the fall. We went to a lovely pumpkin patch / fall carnival. Jack loved it. When I am out at these events, I just enjoy them and now when I want to post pictures from them I think, why don't I make more of an effort to take pictures?! I don't think this will change.

So here is Jack in the cow car which he loved. We went with our friends and neighbors who are pictured behind us. Their dad is a privacy lawyer at msft and probably wouldn't want me to put their names anywhere on the blog...




My neighbor Kate (mom of above mentioned children -- not a privacy lawyer so I can use her name) and I took our kids (5 of them) to Vancouver Canada for 2 days and 1 night. It was insane. Not a moment of peace. However, it was a fun adventure we will never forget. It was a beautiful sunny day. We drove to Stanley park and hung out there almost all day. We went to the aquarium and the playground. Then we went to dinner at a restaurant that caters to kids called the white spot. We did priceline for a cheap hotel then onto Granville Island in the morning. Chaotic but lovely.

outside the aquarium (amazing place btw)


Sonia at stanley park


Jack mesmerized by the gears


Granville island - we took a ride on a little commuter ferry



For halloween Jack was the space needle (per his request of course) and sonia was a lion. we were in Arizona that weekend and had to fly during the prime trick or treating hours sadly.







Lastly, here is a picture of jack with a couple of his friends at his birthday party. We had a very simple neighborhood gallery. We had a "fishing pond" where kids could fish for prizes. I made the fishing poles out of curtain rods, yarn and clothes pins. very lowtech

Happy Birthday Jack!

Jack is 4 today. I woke up at 430 this morning (I went to bed at 830). Sonia was coughing and I couldn't go back to sleep. I started thinking about what I was doing at 430 in the morning 4 years ago -- trying to push Jack out into the world. So Jack has been in the world for 4 years and 9 minutes as of right now.

I've had such an educational 10 days. A week and a half ago, we had a parent teacher conference (my first but I really wish it had been my last). It was awful. The teacher at Jack's montessori school seems to think he is delayed, atypical, slow and possibly, deaf. I was VERY upset when I walked out. I consulted with Jack's doctor (per the teacher's insistence since he clearly needed to be evaluated) and then with a friend who has a doctorate in educational psychology and three young sons. It turns out the teacher is FOS. I am really angry that I went through two days panicking about Jack's dim future. However, I was reminded that no one knows Jack better than I do at this point. And no one can advocate for him as well as I can. Also, there is certainly a lot of pressure to have a "normal" child. How many normal adults do you know? We all have different talents and weaknesses. News flash: kids are like this as well.

I am trying to find a different school for Jack although he doesn't seem unhappy there. He seems to roll with things... much better than I do.

Ryan was also with me during our parent teacher conference. Ryan was completely unfazed and uninterested in what the teacher had to say. When we left he said, 'there is nothing wrong with jack. he's great!' Ryan is much better at ignoring authority figures ( jack seems to have picked up this talent).

Parenting is such a profound experience -- and experience is always the best teacher. I think if I had to summarize the lesson I've learned this week it would be one that a yoga teacher of mine repeats frequently -- she says 'we are perfect and whole as we are.. there is nothing wrong with us'