the baby monkey

Youth

2012-01-24T23:32:00.000-08:00

Parenting always makes a person think of their youth. In this case, I don't mean the years I was a child. I mean youth as vitality .. youth as not having experience a lot of pain .. naive hope.. stuff like that. I mean the spirit of being young. My digital photo library only goes back to 2004 and I was trying to find a picture from that time. I found a picture of me with friends out at a party -- my bachelorette party. The thing about the picture that is interesting to me is that I don't just look younger .. I look like I've lived less -- suffered less. Life and parenting are definitely aging me. It's fascinating how the stress and pain of life appears on the face.. especially the eyes. I do not long for that time, and there is no way I'd be who I am today and have that same face..

Sonia is funny

2012-01-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

Sonia seems to be growing out of her nap. She isn't tired most afternoons. Today, I put her down at 3 and she slept until 5 but then she stayed awake tonight until almost 10. Long after Jack had gone to sleep, I heard her downstairs. She walked quietly up the stairs. When she got to my room, she put her head down and crept quietly to my bathroom.. obviously thinking if she couldn't see me I couldn't see her. Then she played in the bathroom for a little while then came out and sat on the floor. Finally, I said hi and told her to come lay down. She was so happy. She said 'oh good snuggle with mama.' Then we laid down for a while and she sang 'you are my sunshine.' She is so funny.. such a great snuggler and usually very sweet. Her latest love is pink baby, featured below. She always wants to have pink baby nearby. If she can't find her she'll say, 'mama find pink baby RIGHT NOW!' or my favorite is when she asks me where pink baby is. I'll then say ' I don't know, do you know where she is?' then she replies 'I don't know and I don't care.' (she picked that gem up from jack).

Funny.

Snow

2012-01-21T22:04:00.000-08:00

It started snowing a week ago. School was closed all week. Today was the first day we could use our car. We all enjoyed playing outside.. Jack loved sledding. I was grateful for the kids in the neighborhood because we had lots to do. Even so, both kids were out of sorts. Jack wanted to either watch movies or play with our neighbors. If he wasn't doing one of those two things,he was unhappy. He is not a whiner but this week he whined A LOT. Sonia did not love the snow. I think it's just a little too difficult for her to walk in and she complained about being cold a lot. She did like sledding and playing outside but not for long.

One morning our neighbors came to our house. The kids played dress-up. Our neighbor is dressed here as a poor woman on the Titanic singing to collect money. She won hands-down for most creative.

While the snow was beautiful and we didn't really feel too inconvenienced by our lack of mobility or even our lack of power (1 day), the snow lifestyle did not bring out the best in any of us. We are grateful the storm has passed.

My children want to be with me all the time

2012-01-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am writing this down because I know it won't last. I do not have any memory of feeling this way towards my parents but I am sure I did .. many, many years ago .. a dim memory for my parents I am sure.
When I cook, they either have to sit on the counter, on a chair next to me, or on the floor near where I am standing. If they decide to go into their rooms, they want me to come with them. The only thing for which Jack has a long attention span is being read to -- by me (or Ryan). They demand attention often by yelling or annoying behavior ( brother hitting sister or sister getting into the coffee beans and throwing them everywhere ). I get tired of it. Why must they be appendages? Yet, I know it's temporary. They love me so. Mostly, I really enjoy it.

Sick

2012-01-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

For the last week, 1 of my kids has been sick. Sonia woke up from her nap last Thursday with a fever. The fever lasted 4 miserable days and was followed by two more miserable days of serious, mucus-filled head cold. On Sonia's last day of misery, Jack got the fever. In addition to the fever, he is now vomiting. These are not good times. It's interesting to me how my challenges with sick kids have changed. First, it's been a year since either of my kids has been this sick and that is a huge improvement. When Jack was little, this level of illness seemed the norm. While I had an afternoon of being very freaked out by how sick Sonia was (I was convinced she has meningitis), for the most part I have not been anxious about how sick they are.

There is always some struggle involved -- we have been in quarantine most of the last week. We don't sleep well at night. But the worst has been this feeling I've had that if I had not chosen to have children I would not be going through this. If I'd made a different choice, my life would be easier. I would be happier.

At first I didn't know what to do with this piece of human conditioning. It was kicked off by seeing pictures of child-free friends kite surfing in Mexico. I have no way of knowing if I would be happier. Who knows what I would be doing right now. My life would be completely different. Since I never would have experienced a life with children, I wouldn't know how different it is to be without them. But the whole conversation is just depressing.

The other truth of this experience is that I like taking care of these two little people. There is joy in reading to them and making sure they are comfortable. Jack and I have had some cute heart to hearts. He asked me how he got into my belly. I have told him this story before. Each time he listens without comment. He was very interested in how his dad cut his umbilical cord. He told me about a book he'd read called 'Wenis the Penis' about a guy named wenis who has a penis named wenis. We didn't get to the plot level but it was funny.
Today the sun in shining. I am grateful that I don't have to be anywhere else.. and I wish I were kite surfing in Mexico.

Arizona!

2012-01-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

We spent 10 days in Arizona during our Christmas break. We had a great time. The weather was amazing, we got to spend lots of time with family, and we had many fun adventures.

We went to the Children's Museum (much cooler than ours)

We took a hike in the White Tank Mountains. We hiked to a waterfall. I thought there might be water in the fall because of all the rain Phoenix has had lately.

Jack is standing in front of the water-less fall.. although you can see the little pond the fall created when it had water.

Aunt Katie helps Jack assemble his fire engine / village. I would not recommend this toy.. I thought it was a matchbox toy but it's a weak imitation.

We took the kids to a train park in Scottsdale with my friend Aida and her kids. This was great fun. We went on train rides, saw a model train village, had a picnic, played at the park.

Lastly, we went to the air force base near my parents' homes to visit the fighter planes there. My dad's name is on an F-86 and we were sure to get our pictures taken in front of that plane.

Christmas Ships

2011-12-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

Every year, we go to see the Christmas ships. An Argosy cruise ship is lit up with a thousand lights and a choir sings Christmas carols from the boat. We hang out on one of Seattle's beaches just after the sun sets and listen to the music with hundreds of other people. At least 20 other lit up boats of all sizes follow the Argosy boat around Lake Washington. It's a beautiful sight and really fun for everyone. This year, many of our neighbors went too.

My neighbor, husband of the gal on the far left, took this picture many times.. this was the best one.. proof that when you see a good picture of a group of young kids, the photographer was professional.

Bed Head

2011-12-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

Sonia's hair has become out of control.. She wakes up like this:

Then she screams when I try to comb her hair. Mama! Don't hurt me! It's very sad. So, I am cutting her hair short so I will not have this problem. I know this isn't a good long term solution. Sonia has such a strong personality that when she realizes I don't want her hair to be a tangled rats' nest, she will make that her official hair style.

She sings her own songs these days. The other day she sang this one to the tune of 'you are my sunshine'
You are my cheddar bunnies
My only cheddar bunnies
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know Cars 2
How much I love you
Please don't take
McMissile away

I have to confess that she has watched parts of Cars 2. And she does occasionally eat cheddar bunnies.

She will start a little school in January. When I took her to visit a couple of weeks ago, she cried when we had to leave. I think she is ready for friends and better toys.

after school fun

2011-12-07T07:52:00.000-08:00

I picked Jack up after his long day at school yesterday. He was in a good mood. The three of us headed to get a snack at a frozen yogurt shop. Sonia often asks Jack if she can hold his hand. He says no a lot but yesterday he said yes.

Then we went to the Seattle Center where they are displaying the super-cool miniatured winter village.

We wandered over to the Children's Museum and learned some great stuff. The last hour of the day you can pay a donation to get in. This museum is one of the pricier in Seattle and I was thrilled to learn this. Also, they have a nice LEGO exhibit with lots of cool projects on display -- a 3 foot tall Space Needle, a large Tower of London -- and LEGOS of all sizes for kids to use.

The regular exhibits at the Children's Museum are also cool. Here is Sonia driving the fire truck.

5 years ago today

2011-11-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

Today, November 24, was my due date with Jack. It was a Friday. My mom came to visit for 10 days. We made this video. That's all I remember.

I am Sonia

2011-11-24T15:15:00.000-08:00

Sonia understands the words "you are" to mean "you are named." Therefore, whenever Jack says anything to her such as "you are dead" or "you shut up" (I know, terrible -- and no videos to blame it on!) Sonia replies, "I am not dead (shut-up or whatever), I'm Sonia. She always thumps her chest when she says it. We couldn't catch it in the moment but here it is, re-created:

Happy Birthday Jack! #5

2011-11-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

Surreal. Jack's fifth birthday.. It was the first time he was really excited about his birthday. I took him to school with chocolate chip cookies, and he celebrated with his school pals. Ryan picked him up from school and they picked up his new pedal bike. We had 8 kids over at 4. The theme was cardboard. Or rather all the games and activities were made from all the cardboard we have from our ikea closets. We raced cars down one big piece, drew pictures on 3 big pieces taped together, hung out in a tunnel made with a wardrobe box. I hung lights thought the wardrobe box, and hung some blinking flashlights in Jack's room. We also had an age appropriate fishing game which really didn't resemble fishing except for the curtain rod that we called a fishing pole. The kids mainly just played. We fed them dinner, sang happy bday, ate cupcakes, exchanged books, and then the kids headed home.
The party was a lot of work but I enjoyed putting it together. I love having lots of life in the house.. Great fun.

House photos

2011-11-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

I posted much better pictures taken by our architect on google+ Let me know if you want to see those too.

Our house is a little messy -- we still have boxes to unpack and a bedroom closet to build.

This is the front part of the house from the view of the entry ( I didn't take a pic of the entry yet but I will)

This is a view standing near the 2nd half of the house - I am in front of the stairs

Hallway to kids rooms and trombe walls (passive solar)

Our not-quite arranged bedroom and bathroom. There is an open space so we can see down to the first floor.

Fab photos

2011-11-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

We attended our friend, Cyrus's, birthday party yesterday. He and Jack were born 5 days apart and we have known Cy since he was born. His dad, Matt, is a great photographer and took some lovely photos of the kids. Here are a few shots of our kids:

Herman The Helper

2011-11-13T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am leary of books that attempt to teach moral lessons to children. They often seem heavy-handed. There is a book at Jack's school that he loves called 'Herman the Helper.' I figured since his lovely and amazing teachers chose this book so it must be good. I checked it out from the library and we have read it *many* times. Herman is an octopus. Each page details his day helping all the members of his community -- his mom, dad, friends, enemies, the young, the old, etc. At the end of the day, Herman returns home for dinner. His parents ask him if he'd like help with his mashed potatoes and, on the last page, Herman says, "No I'll help myself." Yesterday I asked Jack if he would help me with dinner. He said, "No, help yourself."
See? These books backfire.
We are in our new home and we really love it. The kids don't really seem to notice. They each have their own room. One bonus is they can play outside without us having to worry as much about them running onto a busy street. Jack spent much of yesterday afternoon watching/helping Ryan move dirt into our backyard. He seemed happy just to be outside. We had to put a special lock on our front door because Sonia quickly figured out how to open the door. She ran out the door 50 times a day knowing it was an act of rebellion.
We've been having fun lately outside, in spite of the weather. We walk down to a lovely green space by our home that feels like a forrest. The kids play in the creek and explore the different paths. Lots of fun.

Sonia in her silly glasses

Kids at the nearby greenspace

Jack not helping

Halloween and Cool Birthday parties

2011-11-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

This year, Halloween was a bit of a bust. Sonia got sick. Jack is freaked out by people in Halloween costumes. The big event was trick or treating at Ryan's workplace. Jack would not put his costume on until both Ryan and I explained (separately, several times) that if you don't wear a costume, no one is going to give you candy. So he put on his super-cool NASA astronaut costume that, clearly, mom loved more than he did. He agreed to the costume initially then told me he wanted to be the Space Needle again. Too late! Sonia was supposed to be a dog.

Last weekend, we went to a creative birthday party. The family lived in a small home (900 sq feet) They shared a backyard with their neighbors. One of the neighbors had built a wood-fired oven. The mom projected circus movies onto the wall of the neighboring building. She created a photo booth - using a closet, her digital camera, a bench placed near the camera and some masks and costumes. We each got to make a pizza. Then we had cupcakes topped with cotton candy. The dad served stout beer from a keg and mexican coke. The party took place in the back yard at dinner time. There were at least 20 kids there. Lots of fun!

In the Pines

2011-10-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I was singing a song I'd heard Kurt Cobain sing on his last CD from the MTV Unplugged show he did in 1993. He had covered the song and attributed it to Lead Belly -- a name I didn't recognize. I was singing the song at my dad's and to my great surprise, my dad joined me. I asked him how he knew the song. 'In the pines' or 'Where did you sleep last night' is an old Appalachian folk song dating back to the late 1800's. It's lyrics have been changed a great deal by many, many artists but at it's heart, it is a sad, sad song. I will always be attached to it because of that rare synergistic moment I had with my dear old dad.
Sonia, like all kids, stalls when it's time for bed. We read stories, then she wants to snuggle, then sing. I always end our time with In the Pines and now she sings it too. It is beyond cute. I love hearing a 2 year old sing. On a tangent, I taught Jack to sing a verse of Bohemian Rhapsody when he was not much older. He still digs the song.

I realize I have no new pics! I'll post some soon.

Good friends

2011-10-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

Jack and Sonia love the kids across the street. The kids across the street love Jack and Sonia. When we come home, if our neighbors are outside, my kids get so excited. They yell their names and jump up and down, and immediately want to play. Jack could play with them every day. He loves their company. I have seen him equally enthusiastic about the little boy who lives on the other side of us as well. They are all little buddies.

Sonia in Jack's halloween costume..

Interpretive Trail

2011-09-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend we visited my mom and stepfather at their house on the Olympic Peninsula. They are returning to Arizona next week so it was our last visit with them while they are here. We had a great time as usual. My mom and I took the kids on a great little hike on the "Interpretive Trail" -- not sure why it's called that. It is the site where there used to be a large logging company. We found a great supply of blackberries and a beautiful waterfall and creek. Jack had a blast in the creek even though it was really cold.

TV and the grandparent's house

2011-09-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Unlike us, my mom and stepfather have a TV.. a big TV. Jack and Sonia love it and are very focused on it when we visit. It's easy to understand why we don't have a tv when one sees how obsessed the are with the screen. They don't want to do anything else. It's a treat for them -- nice that they see how it's an out-of-the-ordinary activity.

Happy Birthday Sonia

2011-09-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

Today Sonia turns 2! It seems like it's been both the longest and shortest two years of my life. We are so happy to have Sonia in our lives. A couple of days ago she had woken up early and was dancing around in our room. She has such a lively presence. Ryan called her a little imp. We are grateful she is here.

Our newest friend

2011-09-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Jack and Sonia and I went to visit our new friend Ingrid a few weeks ago. She is only 6 weeks old in this photo. Big baby! Sonia is far more interested in babies than Jack has ever been. I think it's so interesting how she mimics me in ways Jack never did. Jack definitely mimics Ryan. Our habits make a strong impression on them. I can't believe either of them were ever this age.

Vacay!

2011-08-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we met friends on the Hood Canal. Jack and Sonia were there on Friday then headed over to my mom's for the weekend. Life is so different without children. We all shared the housework and meal prep. On Saturday morning, I had no energy for any of it. I just sat on the couch. But by the afternoon, I had lots of energy. We had a blast with our friends. Thanks to the amazing organizational skills of my friends, Heather and Tammy, we rented a beautiful house on the beach, ate great food, drank good wine, and enjoyed the summer days with our dear pals.

I took the kids to my mom's on Thursday am to beat the weekend crowds. My kids seem much happier to play by themselves there. I was trying to get a few things done when my stepfather noticed we didn't know where Sonia had gone. I wasn't worried because their house is very child-proofed (so I thought). Sonia had crawled into her grandparents very deep tub, quietly turned on the hot water and sat there and played as the water filled the tub. Clearly, not child-proofed enough.

Le weekend

2011-08-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

Finally, there were two days of summer that could be described as warm and they fell on Saturday and Sunday. Great fun! Although it seems to have made both the kids more tired than usual. We took the bike trailer to a lovely neighborhood music festival. The kids enjoyed snow cones but stayed in the shade most of the time (true seattleites).

Ryan and Jack built a suspension bridge out of the IKEA train set parts during Sonia's nap.

Jack is honing his photography skills but is still not quite getting the idea of the view finder.

I got to go on a run and see this cool view of a rower going through the Montlake cut (not sure if you can see the rower but it was early in the morning and so quiet I could hear his oars going in and out of the water)

Finally, I found out the identity of that weird ball in the sound. From my professional photographer friend's blog:

It’s the U.S. Missile Defense Agency’s Sea-Based X-band Radar vessel (SBX for short), designed to identify and track missiles in flight. Built by Boeing in Texas and dedicated in 2005, it’s one of a kind and huge: 240 feet wide, 390 feet long and 280 feet high when measured from its keel to the top of the radar dome. Resting on a semi-submersible oil drilling platform, it has two hulls and is capable of self-propulsion.

This is her photo (from Urban Glimpses)

Colorful Food and other obvious advice

2011-08-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

I made this lunch for my kids today: carrots, cucumbers, hummus (home-made), cheese, crackers and rasberries.

It reminded me of some advice I got from a doctor last year at Jack's well-child visit. He said "make sure the food on the plate has some color." This doctor is a very nice young man.. well-intentioned. But when I hear this kind of advice from doctors I wonder what kind of impression I have made. Do I look like my kids only get 7-up, kraft mac n'cheese, and chips for dinner? When Jack was only a couple of months old our doctor told me to make sure I never put the car seat in the front seat. Really? Well, the trunk is ok then, right? Because, seriously, if someone ever puts their car seat in the front, they need so much help that they probably will not make it to a well-child check ever and certainly not on time.

Nanny for U

2011-08-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Over the spring it became clear that I really needed help with childcare. In desperation I called a nanny service in Seattle. They sent Sarah who stayed with us for 3 months. I never interviewed her or checked references. When a Catholic friend of mine met Sarah she commented that "your guardian angel sent that one" It was true. Sarah was at least as good at caring for my kids as I was in the best of health. She is a college grad with a mountain of patience who is just naturally a joyful person. I felt so incredibly lucky. Since then I have continued to use the service to get some time off for myself and go to appointments that are hard with kids. I have been really impressed with the women they send. They are always great. The gal who came this month was very sweet. She took some great pics of the kids during their day together. A Nanny for U

Sonia Begonia

2011-08-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

So much of this blog has focused on Jack. As the first child, he has been more adept at getting our attention. Sonia is catching up though. Like her big bro curly jack, her personality seems to start with her hair. She is willful and a risk-taker. She loves danger. I used to tell her no a lot.. As in, no don't drink the standing water on the ground at this construction site! But anything I say no to she becomes obsessed with. So instead of saying no I just hope she has a hearty constitution. She is, like her brother, a joyful soul but in such a different way. I marvel at how different they are. Sonia will request a "hug" then grab my face to get my attention and tell me what she really wants. She dances and sings a lot. We sing a song about 'sonia begonia.' Sonia has started singing that song too but she doesn't get that we say begonia because it rhymes with Sonia. So she sings 'baby gabonia...' (for her doll) or 'mama gabonia...' She is funny in the way all kids are funny. Her favorite question begins with 'where' as in 'where's aunt kay-kee?' (katie) or 'where's papa' or 'where are you mama?' She is so darn cute that looking at her baby pictures I feel a wave of sadness that the baby days are over.. Soon she'll be two.

Bike trailer

2011-08-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors lent us their bike trailer. We had our first adventure today. We headed over to Cal Anderson park -- had a great time in the playground and the fountain. Then as we were going home, we ran into one of our neighbors who was headed to the 12th avenue festival. We had no idea what that was but we were mobile so we went with them. The festival was a blast. Lots of restaurants from 12th ave had set up booths and had $5 plates. We had pork belly sandwiches from Lark, pizza from Via tribunali, lasagne from La Spiga, and many a sugary drink. Lastly, we had ice cream from Molly Moons. The kids ate the ice cream in the bike trailer on the way home. Their faces were completely covered with ice cream by the time we got home. I loved the trailer. I am going to see if I use it a lot these next couple weeks before I consider the investment. I love the idea of getting around the city by bike. Jack says he prefers the car.

I thought I'd add a picture of the fountain by my prof photographer friend, Candy, from Urban Glimpses.

Puppies and bunnies and parenting

2011-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

When I first became a parent, I felt I was surrounded by images, stories, myths and general social pressure about how great parenting was supposed to be. Everyone was desperately in love with their children. Stepford wives abounded. I felt it was my job to be honest and expose the lie for what it was! I was a pioneer.. the first to admit that parenting is hard, and I did not like it. I became comfortable being negative about it even though it always felt rebellious.
Things have shifted for me quite a bit. Losing almost everything (thankfully temporarily) last spring has given me a very different perspective. I feel such immense gratitude for my life (even started a blog with that theme to be published soon) and even greater gratitude (immenser? immensest?) that I get to spend every day with my kids. Now I see I am decidedly less comfortable describing how much I am enjoying our time together. I find incessantly upbeat people rather dull. But now I notice all of the people, articles, blogs, books that articulate that negative side. For some reason, I never really noticed how much complaining there already is about parenting. Turns out I was not much of a pioneer. I think the point is that I have always felt compelled to be honest about this enormous topic. The funny thing is is that nothing about my life has changed.. only my perspective is different.

I love this picture of two of my favorite gals:

The Space Needle

2011-08-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today, the kids and I went on an adventure to the Space Needle. J fell in love with the space needle the first time he saw it many years ago. Before he could form words well, he called the space needle the 'ga-doh.' His passion has never waned. We read books on it, watch videos about it, and we have a membership so we can go as much as we want.

Today, the three of us took the bus downtown, then went on the monorail (another love of J's), wandered around the fogged-in space needle for half an hour, then took the bus home. Fun was had by all. J even loves the bus. He was thrilled to show the driver our pass. He looks so proud when he does it. The enthusiasm of children is contagious. It is one of their most precious gifts to the world. How often are you thrilled to take the bus? It's like an amusement park ride for my kids.

Happy Birthday to me

2011-08-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

I am simply elated to be 39. During the spring, I wondered if I would get here so I am very pleased that I made it. We had a wonderful weekend. My sister visited and we spent a day at my mom's. Then on my actual birthday we headed to the home of dear friends for a delicious dinner. While I brought my camera, I had such a good time I forgot to take pictures. Per usual really.

Ryan, Jack, my mom and Bert went out on the boat during the afternoon to get crab from their crabpot. Here we are cracking the crab and eating it while sitting in the sun. Lovely!

Sonia is still asking 'where's aunt katie?'

Sonia and my mom's glass table. For some reason, she is always compelled to put her nose and tongue on glass.

Every bday, I take a family picture. One year ago today, we were moving into our rental to begin our 8 month remodel project which is now on its 13th month. This past year brought so many unexpected surprises. It's clear that the only certainty is uncertainty.

Welcome Grandparents!

2011-07-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

My mom and stepfather arrived in town a few weeks ago. We have made a couple of visits to the Olympic Peninsula to enjoy their company and hospitality.

We like to go to the park:

:

Go out on the boat to get crab from the crabpots:

Hang out on the deck in the sun:

Hang out inside their nice big house

Happy Summer

2011-07-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

We are starting to enjoy the lovely summer weather. We had a very busy 4th of July weekend -- a visit with the grandparents, a visit to the vacation home of friends outside of Cle Elum, then a trip to Bainbridge Island to see the parade and take part in the festivities there.

As usual, I didn't bring my camera to any of these events. Luckily I have a phone that can occasionally take mediocre pictures. We went to Bainbridge with our neighbors who are Jack's favorite people in the world. They both got their faces painted but Jack declined.

Jack riding a pony. He really wanted to do this so I paid 6$!! to participate in what seems like a very sad activity that for some reason children love. When it was Jack's turn, he insisted he did not want to go but I told him it was too late because I had already paid. He went, reluctantly.

He loved the park and played with kids of all ages. Here they are on the tire swing.

In June, we took an all-school trip to Carkeek park to celebrate the end of the year. Jack loved the trains that ran right next to the park.

Our lovely, but sadly, temporary, nanny Sarah took Jack and Sonia to the zoo to see the dinosaurs during the weeks when June turned to February.

All is going much, much better since I withdrew from school. I feel great. I am happy to be with the kids, and feel very clear that it's what I want to do right now. School will have to wait.

Setback

2011-06-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of March, I started PA school. I knew it would be challenging but I thought I was prepared. Two weeks into school, I started having trouble sleeping.. something that's never happened to me before. Then two weeks later, I went to bed one night and didn't sleep at all. I had no idea what was going on. Then I didn't sleep the following night. For the next 6 weeks I slept only 3-4 hours a night at best and basically, I slowly went crazy from sleep deprivation. I had to withdraw from school as I could not keep up with the workload. Finally, I found a great doctor and got the help I needed.

Those 6 weeks were easily the worst of my life. I never expected such a thing to happen to me. Everyone around me was shocked.. especially me.

In retrospect, I suppose that attempting to go to a graduate program that requires 70-80 hours a week of work while having 2 small kids was possibly unwise. As one nurse put it 'now you know you have limits.' The funny things about it is that I honestly didn't know that. I thought I could do anything. Don't people go to medical school with small kids? There was only one woman in the PA program with kids my age -- and she was already a doctor (from India) whose mother lived with her and her husband.

Now I am re-evaluating everything. Everything. I'd like to find a career in the health care field. I want to work. But I have to find a program that fits into my life. I have to be able to breathe while in school. I have to have some flexibility to care for my kids and spend time with Ryan. I have to be able to care for myself as well.. something I have definitely not been doing much of these last 4.5 years.

So, for the next year, I'll be home figuring out my next step.. taking care of the kids.. finishing the house remodel... and recovering from a really awful experience with insomnia. Now that I have my health again I realize it is the only thing that matters. Truly.

Pre-PA school. Lily visited us:

During PA school. Kids not happy

During PA school. I took the kids to my moms. They had a blast.

Post-withdrawal from school. I finally started sleeping and we are all happier. I lost 10 pounds during the 6 weeks I didn't sleep but I have gained it all back and more! I have never been so happy about weight gain.

Your successful preschooler

2011-02-21T14:21:00.000-08:00

There is a book titled 'Your Successful Preschooler.' Here is the link: http://lp.wileypub.com/YourSuccessfullPrescooler/

It promises instruction on how to mold your child to be .. successful.

I think publicists all over the world noticed the success of Amy Chua's memoir and will be certain to follow the example of her brilliant publicist. Making people feel insecure will help sell any product. Anyone who has seen any advertisement knows this. The make-up industry is amazing at the 'you are not good enough message' just to name one. I still find this idea exhausting when it is aimed at me. I fall for it every time. I read the tiger mom book. It's not really as advertised. It's light and funny. The author was humbled by her parenting mistakes and I feel that she is lucky she had girls. Part of her epiphany about her parenting style came from her parents who felt her parenting style was not working with her younger daughter. They reminded Chua that her father hated his parents for treating him that way. She writes he was relieved when they died.

Where are the books titled "How to make sure your children aren't relieved when you die?" or "How to get your kids to want to spend time with you when they are adults"? I am in this for the relationship. But I struggle mightily (obviously) with these parental pressures. I hate the word "playdate" but I organize them. I think it's ridiculous that people think there is a relationship between Jack being able to identify the alphabet or correctly use scissors and his intelligence WHEN HE IS 4. Yet, I taught him how to identify the alphabet and how to use scissors just so people will leave me alone about that. I am not good at being counter-cultural. ANd I don't want Jack to suffer.

This is a self-portrait Jack took when he figured out how to launch the photo-booth feature on my computer:

Birthday Parties

2011-02-21T13:55:00.000-08:00

Now that we are at the fun preschool, we go to birthday parties all the time. There seems to be an unwritten rule that all kids in the class are invited. I think that's nice but also exhausting for everyone. Jack loves these parties.. the toys, the cake, the games, the gifts. He now has the idea that when it's someone else's birthday, he also gets a gift. The parents of these kids are so organized they give gift bags away at the end of the party. One mom had made sandwiches for the kids to eat on the way home. THese are A list stay-at-home moms. I am on the C list for sure. I am trying to be a better SAHM. I volunteered to make sugar cookies for the valentine's day party. Of course, I have never made sugar cookies before. 10pm the night before half of the cookies broke because they were stuck to the cookie sheet. I had to wake up at 6 am the next day to make another batch. I learned how to make the cookies though.

End of a party:

The dinosaur cake:

Early morning sugar cookies:

2011-02-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

The other day Jack asked me 'How do they steer the space shuttle? Does it have a steering wheel?' We learned the shuttle does not have a steering wheel .. as steering in space is impossible. We learn a lot from the random questions Jack asks about airplanes, space shuttles, and lately, domes. As in the dome on top of the cathedral in Florence and the Holy Names Academy. After the space-shuttle-steering question, Ryan was annoyed. He said, 'see? Jack isn't dumb.' This is a reference to the student teacher conference we had in November. That conversation still comes up and even though Ryan wasn't as affected by it as I was, it still bugs him. On good days I have sympathy for the woman who had the conversation with us. She believed Jack was suffering developmental delays and felt we needed to be made aware of that fact. I wonder why she thought we would not notice something so dramatic. Her follow up email to us seemed to indicate she thought he was autistic. Only time will tell who Jack will become but I am embittered by the fact that in our age of specialization the definition of a normal child has become more narrow. I imagine in the old days children with undiagnosed disabilities suffered for lack of help and special education. But now, it seems every other kid has a diagnosis. The new normal I suppose.

Jack, like many adults, is fascinated by all things technological (our phones and camera especially). He started taking his own pictures. I didn't realize until I uploaded them that he had taken 210 photos in one session. Yay for digital. From Jack:

Lately, we are just hanging out.. taking it easy. After many, many years of preparation 2 events are starting in the next two weeks: our house remodel and my graduate school. Grad school makes the house remodel look like a hawaiian vacation. It will certainly be a difficult 2.5 years.. but I think we'll be ok. I am getting as organized as I can. We'll just do our best. Some hanging out pictures:

J imitating dad:

Making cookies with heather:

The Instigator and the Aggravated

2011-01-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

Since Sonia has been mobile, Jack seems to see her as a nuisance. It used to be that if she had a toy, he would take it from her and there wasn't much she could do about it. She didn't seem to care. Now if Jack is playing with something, Sonia will take it. Always. Then she runs away. Jack tries to fight with her for the thing but she hangs on. If he is successful, she is relentless, she will try to take it again. Usually in the struggle Jack hits her. He doesn't usually hit her hard and in the past, she didn't seem to notice. Now if he does anything she finds aggressive, she screams very loudly. I would say that Sonia seems to have a strong personality .. but one could make the argument that all of this behavior is just learned. Maybe Jack would have been exactly the same with an older sibling?

Needless to say, they don't get along right now. I am hopeful that one day they'll get along. I don't intervene that much in their conflicts. I know that soon Sonia is going to start hitting back and then I'll have bigger problems to solve.

Speaking of problems solved, Jack really digs his new school. I like it too. He seems to fit right in. The teachers are nice and the classroom is very laid-back. No strange montessori rules. They also do fun things like build Christmas trees out of green frosting and ice cream cones and decorate them with gum drops. They also mention the words Christmas, Hanukah and even Halloween and Valentine's day (all taboo in our montessori school). No one has strange food allergies so I can pack anything I want to for Jack's lunch. All very exciting. Every allergy was represented at the other place. Seems to be working out well. I feel fortunate that I was able to change schools mid-year.

Lastly, Sonia has developed a new love for reading. We always read to Jack but Sonia hasn't seemed that interested. Now (maybe because she is fighting to be the focus of attention) she picks out a book, brings it to one of us, and (if we are seated) she will hand us the book then turn around and back up into our lap. It's really cute. If she tries to hand you a book and you tell her you can't read it, she gets VERY upset. She screams and sometimes she bangs her head on the floor in case you weren't sure which emotion she was feeling.

I try not to compare them but it's hard not to notice how different they are. Jack was mellow. Sonia is not.

Example of Sonia wanting to be where Jack is .. after we took this picture, she sat on the book Ryan was reading.

Jack enjoying a hot chocolate at the coffee shop with mom

Family photos

2010-12-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

We had professional pictures taken this year. We had them done two years ago, and I imagine this will be our last opportunity for at least another two years. We used a white backdrop and I've learned I really prefer a natural setting. Must remember that next time...

Here comes Santa Claus

2010-12-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

This is the first year that Jack gets the Christmas idea. I haven't introduced the religious part (sorry mom) but I have started to explain the Santa idea. Understandably, Jack finds it a little suspicious. He comes into our house? He lives at the North Pole but he is also at the U Village? Other people have to fly to the North Pole but he takes a sleigh? Why do we leave him cookies? He is not questioning the leaving presents part. I don't remember questioning any of it. I just thought 'cool. presents.'

We visited the Fairmont last week where they had lots of Christmas trees and a suite decorated with teddy bears, presents and candy canes, and this week, we attended the Reindeer Festival at the Cougar mountain zoo.

Jack wasn't really into the reindeer noting that they smelled bad. He did like the sleigh.

You made me play second base!*

2010-11-30T22:44:00.000-08:00

This whole thing with Jack's preschool has been enormously stressful. I have thought of almost nothing else. I wonder why I chose a montessori program when now it seems so obvious that it wasn't going to work for him.. or me. I am looking at another school but wonder if it's wise to change schools in the middle of the year. I think a lot about kindergarten (yes, it's two years away). I think I probably need to send Jack to private school (20K a year) because our public school has 27 kids in the kindergarten. Will that be too much? Will he learn anything? Will he just drift though our sad public school system.. unmotivated.. uninspired... lost. Or go to private school with the ultra-privileged only to become an insufferable, ungrateful ass who votes republican and doesn't take care of his impoverished parents?

In parenting, do small decisions matter? or big ones? do all the decisions matter? none? some? I don't know. I'll never know. I am writing this post to remind my future self that I thought a great deal about every decision I have made for Jack. However it turns out, I am doing the best I can... it's just that when it's your first kid your best feels like a stab in the dark.

Also, it snowed.

*only my brother and sister will get the title joke. it's from the movie parenthood -- steve martin's character makes his son play second base -- he then has two fantasies about how the decision will affect his son's future-- his son either graduates from harvard or goes on a shooting spree and while shooting yells to his dad "you made me play second base!"

From the fall

2010-11-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

It seems like winter now so I thought I should post some pictures of the fall. We went to a lovely pumpkin patch / fall carnival. Jack loved it. When I am out at these events, I just enjoy them and now when I want to post pictures from them I think, why don't I make more of an effort to take pictures?! I don't think this will change.

So here is Jack in the cow car which he loved. We went with our friends and neighbors who are pictured behind us. Their dad is a privacy lawyer at msft and probably wouldn't want me to put their names anywhere on the blog...

My neighbor Kate (mom of above mentioned children -- not a privacy lawyer so I can use her name) and I took our kids (5 of them) to Vancouver Canada for 2 days and 1 night. It was insane. Not a moment of peace. However, it was a fun adventure we will never forget. It was a beautiful sunny day. We drove to Stanley park and hung out there almost all day. We went to the aquarium and the playground. Then we went to dinner at a restaurant that caters to kids called the white spot. We did priceline for a cheap hotel then onto Granville Island in the morning. Chaotic but lovely.

outside the aquarium (amazing place btw)

Sonia at stanley park

Jack mesmerized by the gears

Granville island - we took a ride on a little commuter ferry

For halloween Jack was the space needle (per his request of course) and sonia was a lion. we were in Arizona that weekend and had to fly during the prime trick or treating hours sadly.

Lastly, here is a picture of jack with a couple of his friends at his birthday party. We had a very simple neighborhood gallery. We had a "fishing pond" where kids could fish for prizes. I made the fishing poles out of curtain rods, yarn and clothes pins. very lowtech

Happy Birthday Jack!

2010-11-18T06:13:00.001-08:00

Jack is 4 today. I woke up at 430 this morning (I went to bed at 830). Sonia was coughing and I couldn't go back to sleep. I started thinking about what I was doing at 430 in the morning 4 years ago -- trying to push Jack out into the world. So Jack has been in the world for 4 years and 9 minutes as of right now.

I've had such an educational 10 days. A week and a half ago, we had a parent teacher conference (my first but I really wish it had been my last). It was awful. The teacher at Jack's montessori school seems to think he is delayed, atypical, slow and possibly, deaf. I was VERY upset when I walked out. I consulted with Jack's doctor (per the teacher's insistence since he clearly needed to be evaluated) and then with a friend who has a doctorate in educational psychology and three young sons. It turns out the teacher is FOS. I am really angry that I went through two days panicking about Jack's dim future. However, I was reminded that no one knows Jack better than I do at this point. And no one can advocate for him as well as I can. Also, there is certainly a lot of pressure to have a "normal" child. How many normal adults do you know? We all have different talents and weaknesses. News flash: kids are like this as well.

I am trying to find a different school for Jack although he doesn't seem unhappy there. He seems to roll with things... much better than I do.

Ryan was also with me during our parent teacher conference. Ryan was completely unfazed and uninterested in what the teacher had to say. When we left he said, 'there is nothing wrong with jack. he's great!' Ryan is much better at ignoring authority figures ( jack seems to have picked up this talent).

Parenting is such a profound experience -- and experience is always the best teacher. I think if I had to summarize the lesson I've learned this week it would be one that a yoga teacher of mine repeats frequently -- she says 'we are perfect and whole as we are.. there is nothing wrong with us'

viva mexico

2010-10-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

Jack took his second international trip last week. We went to Mexico for my brother's wedding in Rocky Point -- about 60 miles south of the AZ border. There are no airports in rocky point so one must drive across the border. I was reluctant to do this with a child due to the large war going on between mexican drug cartels and all people in mexico. I knew Jack would love the beach, the pools and the adventure so the two of us went. Jack was so excited to get on an airplane. When I woke him up at 530am to go, he wouldn't get up until I said, it's time to go to the airplane. He shot up like a cannon. He was a great traveler. We had to fly then drive for 4 hours to rocky point. He patiently sat through the parties (at least for a while). He was so happy to be outside in the water.

2010-10-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

We have gotten into our fall routine. Jack started going to preschool three days a week. It's a longer day for him. He seemed to adjust to the new schedule without any problem. I have noticed changes in his personality. He goes to a montessori school which encourages independence. He is more interested in doing things for himself. He has also become increasingly uninterested in following instructions I give him. For example, whenever we need to either leave the house (or any location) he refuses. Unfortunately, these stand-offs end with me carrying him to or away from whereever we are while he screams. When I carry him, he says, "I wasn't listening?" So he seems to get it and doesn't like the consequence but doesn't want to change his behavior. I am not sure what to do. Friends bribe their children with food or others threaten punishment or time-outs. None of these things modify J's behavior in any way. Hmm.

While the days Jack doesn't have school are harder, I enjoy them more. When it's just me and Sonia, we play a little, she naps, and I usually run errands or do housework. Jack makes everything more exciting.. for better and worse.

We went to a farm a few weeks ago for the rides and pumpkins. Here we try to get J to pose for a picture. Per usual, he refuses. I am laughing here but I do that less these days..

Sonia is moving to one nap a day so we can hit the parks more often. However, she still eats the bark which makes the experience much less fun.

One lovely fall day we went on a canoe ride with our neighbor.

Weekend with the grandparents

2010-09-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

After Sonia's party, we headed to the Olympic Peninsula. Had a lovely time with the grandparents who are always so hospitable and happy to see the grandkids (even though their house becomes messier and chaotic).

Happy 1st Birthday Sonia!

2010-09-13T08:41:00.001-07:00

Most days of the year I have no memory of what I was doing on that day a year earlier. It's funny how I well I remember September 12 and November 17.. the day before Jack and Sonia were born. I remember everything up to the point they were born.. then it's all a blur.

Jack was at my mom's on September 12. My water broke at 8 am. Ryan and I spent the day walking around .. trying to induce labor .. I spent a while trying to find an acupuncturist (with no luck). Ryan drank quad shot cappucinos.. figuring he would be up all night. At around 6 I ate a white bean and kale soup. At 8 we went to the hospital per the request of the midwife to get monitored. They suggested I stay since I was having contractions. I declined as I could not feel them. At 9, I headed to my friends' house to socialize and get my mind off the next day.. convinced I'd be induced the next morning (since that was my experience with Jack). The hospital staff insisted the second time was different and they have been right about that through today.

It's been completely different the second time. Sonia is her own little gal. She is walking .. she says mama! dada! and yea! She climbs everything.. explores everything. She doesn't sleep that well.. she still gets up almost every night to eat. And she eats a lot. Very different from her big bro.

We had a fun birthday party on Saturday at a nearby park. We had the party with one of our neighbors who turns two today as well. Lots of neighborhood kids came. It was a beautiful day.. much like one year ago today.

This year has been hard in so many ways but Sonia has been a breeze. She is full of joy and energy. We are all so happy she is here (even Jack most of the time)

Here is Sonia for an hour at the party. A neighbor suggested I take this picture in order to compare it to her 21st birthday. Then we felt terrible condoning alcohol consumption in our children.

Our neighbor also born on the 13th. Not enjoying being photographed. There were a couple of us taking his picture.

Unlike Jack, Sonia was not interested in her cake:

Our beloved friend, doula, and babysitter:

A week earlier, we attended the wedding of our former nanny and family friend, Gen. Lily was the flower girl and we miracuously got Jack to pose with her

me&sonia

2010-09-05T11:07:00.001-07:00

I have a hard time getting pics of sonia and don't have any of the two of us. My friend Jenny has been watching my kids once a week (all summer!) so Ryan and I can go out. We've had such a great time .. such a gift to have such great child care. Jenny has a much nicer iphone than I do and snapped these pics:

Summer

2010-09-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I had intended to update the blog more frequently. This has been an unusually stressful summer. We moved out of our home into a rental to start our big construction project -- unfortunately our construction still hasn't started. Also Ryan's company was acquired by a much bigger company -- it turned out fine but he had to interview for his job .. lots of instability.

Other than that, the kids are getting bigger .. older. Jack is very verbal now. He is very expressive.. although he went through a tough phase where he melted down almost constantly over small things. I think its part of the process of individuation (or whatever child development people call it). It's important but not so fun for others. We have eliminated videos from our life because he could never accept that video time was over. Life has improved since. Sonia is starting to walk. She is very active and into everything .. Jack was a much mellower baby. We have to child-proof our house now.

We enjoyed the warm, sunny summer days (when we had them)

We visited our friends' cabin in the san juan islands with my college friends.. here's jack with one friend's kids:

We hit some of our favorite water spots with friends:

We visited the Olympic peninsula with the grandparents. Here's sonia enjoying a picnic at the beach:

We camped on the kitsap peninsula (well we went to the camp for the day as Ryan had to leave town for work and I could not get the camping stuff together). Jack had a blast in the inflatable boat of one of our friends ( I can never get him to pose):

I went to Virginia for 5 days with my bro and sis to meet my dad's family and visit the place he grew up -- including his child hood home. It's amazing how many of his family members remain in this very rural area. Everyone knew and loved my dad -- It was fun to hear the stories -- A favorite was the time he flew one of his airplanes over the river that winds through the town and over the family home.

Here is the "river" It's much smaller now:

the homestead (built by my dad's dad and his brothers)

From the left, my cousin's husband, my cousin (the youngest looking 59 year old I have ever seen), my aunt (who is 79!) and my bro and sis

Family photo on moving day -- also my birthday:

The company that acquired Ryan's paid for the employees and spouses to go to Hawaii for three days. My mom and stepfather watched the kids (only way we could have gone). We had an amazing room on waikiki -- and had a great time surfing (body boarding, longboarding, stand-up paddle board - the perfect place for such activities) and just hanging out.

Ryan at Makapu beach:

Me at Hanauma Bay

View from our room

Always great to come home

Hiatus

2010-06-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how much time has passed since my last post. I didn't mean for that to happen. In the last two months, Sonia has started pulling herself up and she now crawls very quickly. She is into everything and everything goes into her mouth if it fits.. she'll try for a while even if it doesn't fit. She's eating a wide variety of foods -- I have stopped breastfeeding too. Jack is now using the potty. It's so awesome! We talked about it for a few weeks and tried underwear every now and then but he did not seem to get it or be interested at all. Then one day he was interested and we haven't had any need for diapers since. Jack got into a preschool near our house (his current school was only for one year) and he'll start going 3 days a week in September. It will be a big shift but I am hoping it will make his transition to fulltime school easier once I start graduate school next summer. There is no transition plan for Sonia. I rarely leave her with anyone (unlike Jack when he was her age) and she gets very upset if I leave the room when people come over to visit. I have a year to work that out.

We are still doing all the same things: lots of time at home while Sonia sleeps. Jack seems to like her more now. When she wakes up from her afternoon nap, he runs into her room and jumps into her crib with her. She thinks he is very funny. Jack is more and more talkative. He sings a lot. He prefers to watch a variety of videos on youtube (on my phone) instead of the Dora videos he used to watch on the portable dvd player. He got bored with Dora I guess. Now he loves Madeline and the Eiffel Tower. I liked those books too but as an adult, I find them a little dark.

We started a new ritual -- once a week the three of us take the bus to the neighborhood library. We get some books then get back on the bus. This is really a thrill for Jack. Every time we take the bus Jack says 'hello bus driver!' and starts to tell him or her where we are going. The bus drivers are always so happy to see Jack -- it's very sweet. How many people are that enthusiastic to ride the bus?

Jack and I have also started taking solo excursions to the Seattle Center. We ride the bus to the monorail. Then we go on some rides, ooh and ahh at the space needle, and visit the science center. Jack loves the dinosaurs and the mercury capsule. We watch the space shuttle on youtube a lot. I hear the museum of flight is trying to acquire one of the space shuttles to put on display. If that happens, we'll be at the MOF all the time.

We are out and about in the neighborhood a lot -- hanging out and watching all of the construction. Our neighbors are building a retaining wall which is now quite a spectacle too.

Time is just flying by.

On our way to the trampoline

At the zoo with friends

With dad

After nap

Making cookies of J's favorite things during Sonia's nap

What we've been up to

2010-04-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

These days, we spend a lot of time at home. It feels even harder to get out of the house because Sonia is now eating "solid" food and meal time has now doubled in length. Then after everyone has eaten and diapers are chaged, Sonia is ready for her next nap. We put together puzzles, make forts, draw pictures on the chalkboard, read books and do a lot of cooking -- muffins, cookies .. here we are making smoothies.

What Sonia does while we cook:

We did get to the tulip festival. Jack was far more interested in the puddles and not at all interested in posing for pictures in front of flowers.

hair cut

Sonia eating movie

2010-03-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Freedom

2010-03-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

Fun in the Sun

2010-03-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

Ryan had Friday off so we headed off to the Olympic Peninsula. Went to our favorite beach in Pt. Townsend then to a lovely and very tasty cafe for lunch. We had a sweet moment at the cafe when the waitress was checking in on us. She asked Jack if he liked his lunch and he said yes, then he said "thank you for our food." We enjoyed the beautiful sunny weekend.

Kickin Chicken

2010-02-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

Big in Japan

2010-02-17T15:03:00.001-08:00

Today we went to the museum of flight. There was a large group of Japanese tourists there and many of them wanted to have their picture taken with Jack -- because of his hair.

I didn't take a picture of the photo shoot. Instead, I got a pic of the dreamlifter taking off from boeing field. A big hit with J.

We have been at the park a lot lately with friends because the weather has been so awesome.

Sonia is always good company

Deep Breath

2010-02-12T14:32:00.000-08:00

It seems that telling stories of tragedy that befalls other people is a popular pasttime in our culture. I never consciously noticed it until I had kids. Now, I notice. For some reason, I pay attention to every story that involves children. For example, a friend of my mom's told a story of a little boy (jack's age naturally) who walked out of the house one night after everyone fell asleep and froze to death. These stories are everywhere and my first reaction was to fret.. then think how I am different than those people... I would never leave doors unlocked right?

But that didn't work well.

Then I remembered something one of my midwives said when I was pregnant with Jack. A friend had lost her baby at the end of her pregnancy when I was 20 weeks pregnant and it sent me into a panic. When I told the midwife she said she would never be able to reassure me that things were going to be ok. You can't google your child and find the answer she said. But, she said, the course of life for most people here is that they are born, they grow up, they get old and they die.

I probably repeat this to myself once a day. Whenever I hear a terrible story or almost miss something that could have hurt my kids, I think, the normal course of life for most people here is that they are born, the grow up, they get old, and they die.

And I know she's right because social security will be insolvent soon because we have so many older citizens.

Can you picture them old? I try.

4.5 months

2010-01-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sonia had her 4 month well-child appt this week. She weighs 14 lbs and is 25.5 inches long. The nurse tried to tell me that she's in the 80-something percentile for height so she'd probably be tall. I told her that I had no faith in her charts as predictions. Jack is now in the 3rd percentile for height but I am fairly certain he will be taller than 4'11. Likewise, Sonia is not going to be 5'11. Those charts are annoying. They feel like grades.

Sonia is starting to have a schedule. She still wakes up twice a night to eat. This is a reminder that Jack and Sonia are different people -- I fight the urge to compare them. Jack was sleeping 11 hours a night at this point. It's good to fix this fact in our minds now. We're working on it.

Lately, it's been hard to get a good picture of the wiggle-worm. She is rolling over, prefers to be on her tummy always.

9's and 1's

2010-01-31T10:05:00.001-08:00

A while ago a friend told me about an article on salon.com about raising children. The author said his life had gone from a daily rating of about a 7 to daily ratings of 9 and 1.. that was the difference between his pre and post children life.

I would agree with this right now. Having an infant and a 3 year old is a challenge every day. I am very grateful for the time I have with both of them. I enjoy being with them and knowing everything about their daily and nightly routines. I have never felt like my work was more important. At the very same time, it is hard. Jack is having more tantrums that seem like they are unprovoked. I never know when they are coming. Sonia's sleeping schedule is a little more fixed which keeps us at home more than we used to be. Jack and I both like to be outside and lately, we've been stuck inside.

One of the cool things that has happened is one of our neighbors bought a trampoline. Jack loves it. It's only 2 doors down so we go in the hour or so window we have between sonia's naps. We even go when it rains. This works until Jack is soaking wet. Here you can see he has lost some steam.

There are two houses under construction across the street. There's lots of major excavation going on. Jack and our neighbor Adam love to watch the "digger." Adam and Jack get together more now that we are home all the time.

We are doing lots of book reading and pretend play. Here is Jack as a ghost:

Sister Sonia

2010-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Sonia is already developing her little personality. To quote an old movie - nobody puts baby in a corner.. she does not like it. I can't put her in her swing and walk away. I can't hold her and talk on the phone. She wants undivided attention and she doesn't like to be alone. She is also very chatty.. and at the rate she is growing she'll be bigger than Jack by the time she is 9 months old.

Happy New Year

2009-12-30T20:43:00.000-08:00

We have spent the last 2 weeks in Arizona. As usual, the weather is great. Jack has had a lovely time with his grandparents. I got to go to the gym.. big excitement. AND, Ryan and I went out twice -once to sushi (a minor miracle as the sushi restaurant is actually in the small town where I grew up) with my bro and sis then AGAIN to a cool, modern restaurant in central phoenix (another miracle) It seems arizona may be slowly progressing into the 21st century. Although the citizens of arizona recently made it legal to carry a gun into a bar .. so maybe they are just enjoying the contrast between the 19th and 21st centuries.

We missed my dad a lot. So sad not to have him around. When Jack asks about him I say grandpa charlie is on an airplane. I don't know how to explain death to a three year old. Jack understands airplanes and I think we'd all like to believe my dad is spending eternity in an F16.

We spent lots of time at home so here are some action shots of our time together. Sonia is not pictured as she was generally sleeping (in 45 minute increments)

Picking oranges in grandma's backyard:

Playing near the pool (too cold to get in)

Jack really enjoyed watering the plants..

and the empty fountain..

Playing with lipstick

When Ryan arrived, Jack got to venture out more. Here they are at the pool

A few Christmas days shots

The Slanket or snuggie.. what have I done all my life without it? They even make them kid-sized!

Jack and grandma

Aunt Katie and Sonia

Once upon a time

2009-12-30T20:37:00.000-08:00

Lately, we have been telling stories in addition to reading books at bedtime. My dad always told us stories so I was inspired. As a teenager, I realized my dad's stories had very little plot and no ending.. I learned this when I tried to tell one of his stories about Chuck the Kodiac bear to a little boy I was babysitting. When I later asked my dad how the story ended he said that it didn't. I usually just fell asleep so he never had to end the story. So I knew my stories did not need to be complex for Jack to enjoy them.

The story always starts the same way: 'once upon a time there was a little boy named Jack and Jack loved...' Then I ask Jack 'what did Jack love?' and so far he has given me the following answers:

airplanes, balloons, air balloons, space needles, grandpa bert, grandpa bert's computer, grandma, jack's computer in seattle, Dora, and Gen and Lily.

Then I make up a story and tell it in the past tense about some adventure Jack had with the person/thing he loves. The most common story is about going on an air balloon ride.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T14:14:00.000-08:00

We spent thanksgiving as we do every year -- with our dear friends Paul and Laurie. The food is always amazing but the change this year was the addition of 2 children -- sonia and daniel. I thought the day would be really chaotic but it was mellow .. considering how many kids were there. We were joined by the mother of one of laurie's students and his girlfriend. The student has been in the hospital for quite a while and his mom has been in seattle to be with him. She is understandably extremely worried about her son. It reminded me that the only thing that really matters is having your health and I am so grateful for the health of all of my loved ones. This holiday season (and maybe every one from this point forward) has been sad without my dad. We miss him. He should be here.

Today (the day after t day) is beautiful -- the sun is shining and at this moment, I have two sleeping children (a minor miracle). We went to the seattle center this morning to listen to a children's symphony group play music and to see a very cool miniature village (decorated for the holiday) with an awesome set of trains running through the town.

Big Three

2009-11-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

Jack is three today. It's surreal. How can he be so old? After being away from him for 5 days, I notice he seems like a little boy -- his vocabulary is rapidly expanding, he plays by himself for longer and longer periods of time. He enjoys drawing and playing with any one of the various transportation toys we have. He has an amazing memory. He smiles a lot... especially when he is watching or reading Dora the Explorer. He really digs the Dora stories..

Happy Birthday Jack!

Red Sonia and Curly Jack

2009-11-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

Sonia has red hair. I have no idea where she got that. One of my sister's friends met Sonia and immediately starting calling her Red Sonia .. if the name sounds familiar it's because Red Sonja was a Conan the barbarian movie .. and you are old enough to remember that.

Jack seems to be getting used to Sonia. I was in arizona for a few days over the weekend and when I talked to him on the phone he asked me where Sonia was (she came with me, Jack stayed home). He throws fewer tantrums (unless he is hungry, then watch out) and he also likes to give Sonia kisses on her head. Every time he kisses her he says "ohhh!" Which is what other people say after they see Jack kiss her. It's very cute. Jack has also adjusted well to his preschool. He goes three half days a week to a little place nearby that has 7 other kids. Since there is another Jack at the school, they call Jack 'curly jack.' Now when asked his name, he'll say 'curly jack.' If he's ever a pirate, he'll have a good name.

It seems both of my children are notable for their hair.

I am at home with them all the time now -- no work for the next year or so. I am surprised to find that I like being with them all the time. It is a tremendous amount of work but it's nice that they are my only job.

Rest in Peace Dad

2009-10-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Lax

2009-10-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

Before Sonia, we had a few rules.. like we eat food only at the table, no binkies until it's time to sleep, no videos.. all those rules are gone now. We eat on "mom and dad's bed" because mom is always feeding sonia there. Because sonia is always eating, we are now watching videos (while eating on mom and dad's bed). So far, I like Dora the Explorer the best. WHo knew CHarlie Brown was such a downer? The characters are so mean.

We are slowly adjusting. Jack likes Sonia. He is very cute and gentle with her.. not so much with us. He screams a lot more now but I can't blame him. I know in time he will mellow out. It's definitely frustrating for me not to be able to pay as much attention to Jack and equally frustrating for him.

For the most part though, things are going really well. I don't find any of the baby stuff as difficult as I did the first time. I enjoy just taking care of my kidlets. I know the survival mode that we are currently in won't last long.

Welcome Sonia!

2009-09-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

My posts are going to become fewer and further between! Right now, my mom and Ryan are here helping me and I am not sure how I will do the job of three people in a few weeks. Luckily I have some help until Sonia is 6 weeks old so I have some time to figure it out.

Sonia Katherine was born on 9-13-09 at 115am. She was 20 inches long and weighed 8lbs 4oz. She seems to be doing well.. lots of eating, sleeping, pooping, and crying. We are happy she is here.

Big Brother

2009-09-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

Jack is now a big brother. Since this is my second child, there are many things I am already used to --sleep deprivation, hanging out at home, diaper changing. The new thing is Jack. He has changed a little. He doesn't seem as happy as he used to be. He throws tantrums a lot. I miss him. I don't get to spend the same kind of time with him that I did and that makes me sad. So with the happiness of welcoming Sonia into our lives, we are also a little sad at having to say goodbye to Jack's only child status. I am almost always confident that a second child was a great decision for all of us. Yet, transitions are hard and this is probably Jack's first real challenge. We are hoping to help him through as best we can.

He seems to like Sonia. He is very kind and gentle around her.. He has also taken a new interest in drinking milk from a bottle (although I am breastfeeding -- much easier this time)

The labor

2009-09-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Almost two weeks ago (seems like years) on Saturday Sept 13 my water broke at 8am. And just like my labor with Jack, my water broke, then nothing happened. I went to the hospital - - the midwives confirmed my water had broken and told me to return at 8pm. They thought my labor would start but I was convinced it wouldn't. They kept saying this time is going to be different than the last.

Well, at 830 or so, I returned. Still, nothing was happening. They put my on the monitor and said I was having contractions. I felt some light contractions but told them I'd see them in the morning since the only time I had any contractions was when I was on their monitors. I went to the house of some friends (Jack was staying with my mom for the weekend). By about 930 I realized I was having regular contractions and I went home to labor there (although I still wasn't convinced I was in labor) By 1030, I knew I was definitely in labor and things had gotten difficult enough that I didn't want to be in the car. Ryan drove me to the hospital. We arrived around 1045. My labor went pretty quickly from there and Sonia was born at 115am. Really, it was a piece of cake as far as labors are concerned.

We were so happy to meet sonia and so happy things had gone so smoothly. Ryan was snoozing and I was feeding Sonia and talking to Jenny, our friend and doula. I noticed I was bleeding but I thought that was normal. HOwever, when the nurse checked me she said I was bleeding quite a bit. Then it became clear my bleeding wasn't slowing down as it was supposed to. Many people started coming into the room -- for hours -- it took until 6 or so to get things under control. It's not a great memory.. the worst part was that they kept pressing down on my uterus and I would hear a splash as large amounts of blood came out. After a few hours, it became very disconcerting but by then I was getting pain medicine because of all the intervention and that mellowed me out. For several hours, I had a 10lb shotput sitting on my abdomen.. Whatever they did helped, because here I am. My recovery has been much more difficult but in the end, I am so glad it's me and not sonia who has the big recovery.

Still pregnant

2009-09-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have 7 days left until my "due" date. It's odd that I could have the baby either tomorrow or in 3 weeks. Hopefully, soon.

Reflections

2009-08-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend while I was eating a doughnut, I reached over to dip the doughnut in a bowl of whipped cream. Then I thought that I really need to give birth. It’s time. Mom and baby are large enough. I am at the stage when everyone comments on my size. Imagine if everyone who saw you made a comment about how big you are. It’s tiresome at best. When I was pregnant with Jack, I felt like it would be ok to be pregnant forever. It didn’t bother me much and I wasn’t really ready to have a child. Now I am ready. But I technically have 4 weeks to wait … and grow… larger.

I'm on a boat!

2009-08-07T10:06:00.001-07:00

We've been on the ferry a lot this summer. Usually, Jack races around the ferry -- playing with the vending machines and video games.. chatting with other passengers about the space needle. Our last ferry ride he was more pensive.. just gazing out the window at the other big boats passing by.

Summer!

2009-07-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Corn-on-the-cob + overalls + sun = summer

Camping!

2009-07-05T14:51:00.000-07:00

We went on our first camping trip with Jack this weekend. We went to a beautiful camp site near Mt. Rainier called Walupt Lake. The camp was at about 4000 feet situation between Rainier, Adams, and Mt. St. Helens. We were just a five minute walk from the lake. The campsite was really mellow.. We went with good friends from my college days. Jack loved it.. he just loves being outside. We borrowed a 7 person tent from friends (called the tent-mahal) which was the perfect size for us. The only difficult part was the mosquitos which apparently only come out in this area for 10 days during the summer.. we happened to arrive on day 2 of their stay. Jack didn't mind at all. Even though he was covered in DEET, he still got lots of bites but they don't seem to bother him. Ryan and I had a harder time with it. We all vowed to return again next year -- just later in the summer.

Me and my two college pals have known each other 18 years. Can't quite believe that...

My friend's 6 year old son in their very cool rowboat:

One of Jack's favorite activities was playing with the camping gear:

Dog is Thirsty

2009-07-05T14:42:00.001-07:00

I bought a bunch of used children's books recently. One of the books, titled 'Dog is Thirsty', is sort of odd. It's about a dog who complains about being thirsty until finally, it rains. I think it was originally written in Japanese so maybe something was lost in translation -- Jack and I both find it fairly uninteresting. Lately, however, it seems to me that my inner monologue (and often, outer) sounds like this book. If I had to put a title on it, I would call it Mom is Tired. There would be no plot... just me walking around or laying down talking about how tired I am. My book would also be pretty dull. Here I am cruising into month 7:

Traveling

2009-06-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

We have been going out of town a lot lately. I think I am just trying to avoid our overgrown yard. In any case, over memorial day I took a trip to Coronado Island with my high school pals. Everyone left their kids at home so we mainly just sat around - We sat at the beach, we sat at our friend Sally's parents beautiful home, then we sat at a restaurant and then sat at an outdoor bar.. lots of hanging out - It was great.

Here we are watching the kite surfing:

Then a couple weeks later, Jack, Ryan and I headed back up to guemes island. We went on our favorite hike twice:

My mom and stepfather returned to town so we visited them this past weekend. Jack loved all the attention -- I loved all the sleeping.

I am bigger now and slower -- people at work continue to make that comment 'you're getting bigger' -- someone pointed out it was really the baby getting bigger but at this point, it's the same thing. I am trying to enjoy the pregnancy as it's the last one I plan to experience but the allure is gone.. if it was ever there. I don't mind it exactly but it's draining. As one of my biology teachers said 'for the female mammal, reproduction is expensive'

Unrelated to all the traveling, Jack seems to really dig the musical instruments. He strums his guitar and walks around the house singing like an old folk singer.

We find it endlessly entertaining.

The Big Doughnut

2009-05-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

Because of the lovely weather we've been so lucky to have on the weekends this month, we've been spending lots of time at a beautiful park by our house that has two of Jack's favorite things -- a view of the space needle and a big doughnut (or a sculpture of a big doughnut). He named the sculpture himself but I've always thought of it as a big doughnut too. For some reason though, he will absolutely not sit in the doughnut.. he likes it better from a distance.. so mostly we walk around the park. Jack really wants to jump in the pond there because it's full of colorful fish.

THere are also lots of great trees to climb:

Unrelated to all this, jack got a hair cut. This is the pre-haircut photo.. we were a little shocked at first but got used to it quickly.

la hermanita

2009-05-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

I am half way through my pregnancy (theoretically) so I went to my last ultrasound (i hope) where they measure all the organs and look at the brain. Basically, out of the almost infinite number of abnormalities, it seems the ultraound rules out about 8. I felt mixed about getting it.. but in the end, I decided it's better to have more information than less (in this case).

We found out the gender: we are having a girl.

I was a little shocked. For some reason, I saw myself as a mom of boys. Last December during the time when I could not know whether I was pregnant or not, I recall walking down the street and all of a sudden feeling like I needed to start thinking about girl names because I was going to have a girl. It was a strong feeling. But a few months later, I went to a vedic astrologer (long story) who was fairly certain it was a boy so I questioned my intuition and decided I just had no idea. In any case, I felt very surprised when the tech told me.

So little J will have a little sister. Crazy.

Tenacious J

2009-05-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

Jack is asserting his will more often and he has very particular requests. He wants to have 3 binkies when he sleeps, if there are 5 things on the table, he only wants the one that will cause the most damage, when I unload the groceries he can always tell which box has the cookies even though he hasn't seen the picture.. and he just wants THAT box. He points at things and says THIS! so I've realized I need to get better at naming.. it's hard to explain the concept of demonstrative pronouns. If he doesn't get EXACTLY what he wants, he stomps one foot and says I WANT IT!

He also like to do the opposite of what I want to do. If I want to go uphill, he wants to go down, if I want to go away from the street, he wants to go towards it. One thing that is consistent is he always wants to be outside... at all times. I sometimes wonder if he doesn't like our house but then I think that's projection.

I don't really like the phrase terrible two's. I am glad that Jack is on track developmentally.. I'm glad he's becoming his own little person. I heard someone call this period "the tenacious two's" and I think that's a little more fair. He's so much more engaging than he used to be and that is a lot of fun for us.

Spring makes everything more fun anyway...
Here is Jack and his favorite cat, pumpkin. Every time he sees pumpkin he says "pumpkin kitty gentle?'

we got lots of great tulips this year:

Are you calling me fat?

2009-04-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

Last week, I ate lunch at the Nordstrom cafe. I work downtown now and I have an hour for lunch (something I have not had for 4 years). I have gone out for lunch every day because it's so great to be downtown and there is lots of great food. El Puerco Llorron has the best mexican food I have had in Seattle.. It's at the market which is only a 10 minute walk from the clinic.

Anyway, back at the Nordstrom cafe, I ordered a salad and a coke because coke is to the second pregnancy as cream cheese was to the first. When my coke was gone, the waiter returned to ask me if I wanted more DIET coke. I thought 'DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BE DRINKING DIET COKE INSTEAD OF REGULAR?????????? Are you trying to make a point?" PRobably, maybe, he wasn't. A co-worker suggested that most women who frequent that restaurant order diet coke. maybe. That is the problem with this point in the pregnancy. You could be pregnant or you could just be someone who likes a good cheeseburger. No one knows for sure.

Weekend getaways..

2009-04-25T14:33:00.001-07:00

We've been out of town a lot lately. It's been really nice to go relaxing places on the weekend.. places where we have no errands.. where we can just hang out. We went to my mom's on the Olympic peninsula (probably a month ago now.. I dropped my camera on a hike only to find it rained on the next day. Luckily, the memory card was fine.)

We played some hoop in the backyard:

Then a few weeks later, we visited our friends' cabin on Guemes Island. We had great weather and this is when we took the camera-dropping hike. As you can see the view from the top, Mt Guemes is stunning. You can see many of the san juan islands. It's such a lovely place because it's actually really close to everything but feels very remote.

It was at the top of the mountain that we figured out the names for Jack 2. I will be the only one finding out the gender. Ryan doesn't want to know so I can't tell anyone. That could be tough.

Jack 2: Electric Boogaloo

2009-03-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

For some reason, whenever we talked about having another child, we referred to the theoretical baby as Jack 2 Electric Boogaloo.. Don't act like you didn't see the sequel to Break Dancing.. well, we didn't either but I guess it rhymed with Jack 2 better than Jack 2: the alien resurrection. It also lightened the mood of the conversation. We just felt like now was not a great time for many rational reasons: ryan works for a startup that doesn't actually have any "revenue" in the "Worst Economy We Have Ever Seen." Then there is the fact that I am planning to go to an incredibly demanding graduate program next year, and also, we don't have any space in our house for a second child.. since we didn't really have the space for the first. So we'd put it off but always return to the conversation. This is the only issue I have ever truly lost sleep over but once we decided, I was at peace. Such decisions are better made with the heart.

So here it is.. your first intro to Jack 2.. we should probably change that name pretty soon. I am a little more than 3 months along -- due in mid-september. This is one of the 12 week ultrasound shots from a few weeks ago.

Sunday afternoon fun

2009-03-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

This is our family fun. It was pretty hilarious for us.

The negotiator

2009-03-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

Lately Jack has been less willing to go to bed peacefully. A while ago, he started asking for water, then it was a snack -- since I always want him to eat more that worked for a long time. Until finally I figured out he was never going to eat the snack. Now when we say it's bedtime he says "Snuggle?" This always works. What parent can deny their child a snuggle? If Ryan is busy, we'll lie down together, Jack will be still for about a minute, then he'll wiggle out of bed. When I then say it's bedtime, he says "Dad Snuggle?" That also always works on Ryan. J is a clever little dude.

Here we are in front of his favorite park which we call Space Needle park:

Arizona in February

2009-02-26T14:59:00.001-08:00

It's 80 degrees there. It's still a little strange to me that it can be so cold and rainy here yet so sunny and hot just 1500 miles south. We had a great time.. visited the zoo. Jack loves the giraffes although not so much that he wants to get too close to them. We mainly just hung out outside by the pool.

This is Jack danger. It's funny how he spent most of the time in the backyard inches away from the pool.. so I was inches behind him.

When not by the pool, he loved blowing bubbles or mainly putting the bubble blowing aparatus in his mouth. He won't touch a vegetable yet really enjoys soapy bubble fluid.

The Ga-deau

2009-02-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

Jack's latest thing is that he is obsessed with the space needle. He calls it the ga-deau. He first noticed the space needle in a book we have about washington state given to Jack for his birthday. For a while, he talked about the gadeau but we didn't know what he was saying. We repeated the word gadeau and then he'd say it again and again until finally we figured it out and said "oh the space needle" Only then did he stop repeating gadeau. As Jack expands his vocabulary, he will say a word over and over until we repeat it correctly.. sometimes this leads to frustration. In any case, Jack sees the space needle everywhere. Last week, we visited the grandparents in arizona. When he walked into my mom's house, he immediately started saying gadeau and I said I don't think there is any space needle here. He continued to talk about it until I noticed that my mom has a space needle pepper shaker on her table. Jack has an eagle eye for the space needle.

Play it J

2009-02-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

Olympic peninsula

2009-01-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, we wanted a little break from city life so we went out to my mom's on the olympic peninsula. It was a beautiful weekend.. we mainly just hung out -- took a nice beach walk in pt townsend.

this is what Jack is looking at:

and later, this..

It was cold so we taught J to put his hands in his pockets:

my mom has a tv (we don't) so jack and ryan also watched the basketball game (for about 5 minutes until the zoned out look on jack's face freaked me out). Since then, every time Jack sees a TV he says "hoop!" and "ba-ket ball"

He does have a good memory..

Up hill both ways in the snow

2009-01-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

On Christmas eve, the snow started about 3am. I know because I was awake. We were supposed to leave for arizona at 11am and I knew if it snowed, we would have an arduous journey to the airport. I would have walked all the way, if necessary, as I was determined to leave town after a week of being snow-bound.

We left the house at 7 with Jack on Ryan's back. I carried a backpack, a roller bag and our carry-on for the flight and Ryan carried his backpack on his front. There were no buses running on capitol hill and the roads were not driveable because we are surrounded by large hills. We walked two miles to the bus tunnel downtown in the snow. Then we waited for an hour for the airport bus. When the bus finally came, the 40 people who were assembled at the stop cheered. The ride to the airport was crazy as the bus slid all over the place but we made it. Our plane took off ontime and we arrived in sunny arizona in the afternoon.

We had a great time. We put our jackets away for the week and enjoyed lots of great time with family and friends. Jack loves it there because he gets lots of attention from the grandparents. We gathered with my high school friends. 3 of them had children this year.. a result of turning 35 I think.

Again, I didn't take that many pictures. One of my resolutions is to get better about that... Here is a random assortment.

My high school pals with all the kids:

Charlie holding a gun which is actually a lighter.. something probably only my dad would buy:

Katie and J:

Jack is playing in one of those plastic houses for kids.. I took this with my iphone which normally takes not-great photos but I liked the light.

Snow!

2008-12-22T12:09:00.000-08:00

Last week it snowed a little bit and we had fun outside. It was cold enough for Jack to wear a snowsuit and the whole thing was novel and delightful.

Then on Thursday, it snowed for real. The snow is knee deep at our house and dressing up like astronauts to go outside has lost its novelty. On the bright side, we hunkered down at Bridget's house for the weekend with her family. We've also been watching people snowboard down our street. Crazy.

Jack and friends

2008-12-22T12:03:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, Ryan's parents sent us an Elmo doll that is really more of an Elmo robot. Elmo has many routines.. jokes and stories that he tells depending on which part of his body you press. I thought Jack would be frightened by the talking monster but he is completely in love with him.

In other news about Jack's pals, Lily has the cutest clothes. Here are the kids in Lily's faboo winter coat:

And it's also true that I lost the map

2008-12-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

On the way to Guemes, I was listening to Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville. I listened to it a lot in my 20's and haven't listened to it much since. When I listen to her now I wonder who discovered her because I think they had to be brilliant. She doesn't have a great voice but she wrote great songs. Her music was filled with anger, defiance, sadness, craziness and fun.. things that remind me of younger years. Then I listened to her later music and it's really, really boring in comparison. As I read a little about her life I learned the big change that happened between the two CDs was that she had a child. And suddenly, she became .. well.. kind of .. dull. She sounded happier though.

I was thinking about this after a couple of activities I had with friends who have no children. Their lives seem so full of adventure to me.. big trips to faraway places, staying up late.. sleeping in (maybe my standards are a little low for adventure). They know interesting things because they read .. books. There are many differences between the two paths and I don't think one is better than the other. However, my life focus is currently very small .. 33 inches and 25 pounds .. and it feels small.. very rich but small. I am pleased with my decision. I imagine Liz Phair feels the same.

happy birthday jack!

2008-11-18T21:34:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe j is 2. This year seemed more like a month than a year. We had a little party at a local pizza place. Jack received lots of great gifts -- books and learning toys (what a great community of friends we have). He was a little overwhelmed by all the noise and attention. I can't believe this but I actually forgot my camera so I have no pictures. So sad.

But we have many pics of Jack from almost every other day in his life. Hopefully that makes up for my mistake. Since J's bday is so close to thanksgiving, I'll post those pics. We had a great time with friends and you can see Jack enjoyed the dessert as usual.

Then we headed off to Guemes Island where some friends built a very cool cabin overlooking the water. It was so peaceful and quiet. We loved it in spite of the gray weather.

The latest with Jack is that he is starting to talk in complete sentences. This morning he said "Where'd my dad go?" His favorite phrase is "where did my (fill in the blank) go?" He says that almost as much as he says "binky? binky!" or if he is in a room that has a guitar "Tar! Tar!" It is very entertaining until the 50 or 60th time then I am no longer entertained but I admire his tenacity.

Traditions

2008-11-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

I attend a parent-child class at my local community college and I love this class. Every week, the parent-educator raises a different topic and we discuss as a group. This week, the topic was traditions. She asked what traditions we remember having as kids and what traditions we have created with our new families. I actually cannot remember one tradition in my family which may be a result of a poor memory of such things rather than an absence of them. Moms from the group had some lovely traditions. One woman's dad traveled a lot. Every year during berry season her mom picked a day he was out of town and took the kids to a local berry farm. They picked as much as they could, then went home and the mom made home-made ice cream. That night, that's what they all ate for dinner.. nothing else. Another family made pizza every Sunday night. Another family let the kids decorate the christmas tree by themselves with ornaments they made.

We have a few traditions.. one of my favorites is our Saturday morning walk. We choose a bakery somewhere in town then go to a nearby park for a walk. Last Saturday after our bakery run, we went to a park near our house. The weather started out crummy but then became another sunny beautiful fall day that we have been having a lot lately. Jack has really been digging the slide lately.. as you can see.

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

We dressed Jack as John McEnroe for Halloween. Why? Because he has curly hair and throws some mean tantrums. Unfortunately, he would not keep his sweat band on so no one really knew who he was supposed to be.. Here's bridget subtly holding his arms down:

Lately Jack has been asserting his independence (euphemism for freaking out constantly when he doesn't get what he wants even if I don't know what he wants). It has been trying my patience. After dutifully avoiding the books, I needed some help. 'Positive Discipline' has been highly recommended by many people I respect so I consulted. Jack has been demanding to be carried a lot and the book gave some great advice: instead of picking him up, give him a hug. This works. Ryan and I sometimes follow Harvey Karp's advice and get on the floor with him as he throws the tantrums.. sometimes that helps. But I have realized that just like everyone else, Jack has good days and bad. Friday (Halloween) was horrible. We were at a kid-friendly restaurant and maybe J was tired, but he bit me really hard and I wanted to throw him. It was sad. Then this weekend has been great... The weather was amazing.. we spent lots of time outside. Reading the parenting book re-energized my spirit and reminded me that the skills it takes to be a good parent often do not come naturally. Luckily, I continue to enjoy parenting more and more. Jack's vocabulary and motor skills are expanding rapidly and it's a wonderful experience watching him discover his new world.

The walk-about

2008-10-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

Jack's favorite activity these days is walking around our neighborhood. The walk has to be his idea and he has to lead the way.. None of our neighbors have gates around their front or back yards so Jack just explores it all. He generally first visits the slide, then the kitty, then the swings (not pictured), then the bigger slide in a different back yard. He also really likes standing under a tree when the leaves are falling on him .. Mom helps make the leaves fall too. We have tried to get a picture of him on his trike but he doesn't really ride it. He just gets on and off.

Kurt Vonnegut

2008-10-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

Many, many years ago, I read Kurt Vonnegut's autobiography. He wrote about his divorce from his wife after 40 years together. He said their mistake was that each thought they could provide for the other what only a community of 100 people could provide. They thought they could be everything to each other, and inevitably, they failed. This was revelatory at the time and it's the only passage from the book I remember well.

Lately, I have been feeling guilty about spending time away from Jack. Besides work, I have had a few other activities that have required my attention in the evening so there have been a few days when I don't see Jack awake at all. This has been sad. However, I remind myself that I cannot be everything to Jack. I am just his mom and he needs lots of people to love him, not just me.

Jack loves Bridget and Gen. They love him. Every time Jack sees Bridget now, he runs up to her and gives her a big hug. I have a great video of it.. but sadly I am having problems uploading it. It's really cute.

The Inland Empire

2008-09-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

We went to Spokane this weekend to visit friends. Eastern washington is just beautiful, and we had a great time. Several of my college friends live there -- they all have kids so it was fun to hang out in all of their very sunny, wide-open, unpopulated spaces. My friend Sarah has twin 4.5 year old boys who have many, many cool toys. Jack fell in love with their guitar and played it constantly.

Mr. Personality

2008-09-02T21:15:00.001-07:00

Jack's personality seems to be evolving. I have described him as mellow but now he is much more jovial. He laughs all the time. He also seems like a bit of a ham. When meeting someone new, he likes to show them all of his tricks -- sticking out his tongue, clapping, kissing them, imitating a giraffe ( I have been trying to get that on video for such a long time -- I have hours of video of me following jack saying 'what does the giraffe say?' over and over). He also likes to imitate an elephant but that looks more like he is spitting and gets fewer laughs so he seems to be phasing that out. When meeting new kids, he's a little cautious but he eventually jumps into the action. He doesn't show other kids his tricks -- I imagine it's because they never react the way adults do. Adults have BIG reactions .. they are just delighted with his responsiveness to them. The other new-ish thing with him is that he thinks he is mr. independent. When we go places, he just walks off like he has a meeting or something. I try to give him a little space but I am still amazed at how far he will go without wondering where I am.